@VetteWrecker: "Known Associate of the Hell's Angels" Is anyone that goes online and buys a t-shirt anymore. I'm sure they want about as much to do with him as Sandra. Maybe once many years ago. He is nothing but a fame whore these days.

@Clinton Portishead: steamrolled By Utah followed the hit Giving Johnny Golden Dome

@vodkanaut: Last time I tried to dispatch Seal he just ended up resembling a badly burned Albanian boy.

@She's Got Crash Davis Eyes: Mall Ninja?

@bigbensweiner: Agreed, but what does drinking have to do with giving up the keys?

@johnnysmoke: That's what got him into this whole Sterger mess in the first place.

Deadpen is the name of the room in my basement that I use to store my ladies.

@FootballGenius: " Just hit me with your best shot

@Shop Smart, Shop S-Mart: And the cut is perfect for moobs

@Tom Gugliotta's Delicious Frittatas:

Gays and blowjobs aren't my concern. Some day I am going to have to try to explain why Garth Brooks turned into Chris Gaines

@Gourmet Spud: Nononono... you can say "queea", not "queer".

@Saberhagendaaz: "You will get caught, and you will get arrested"

blowing twice the legal limit

It wouldn't be such a big deal if the editors weren't so niggardly with headline space.

@blogsarefun: Snooki is being cast for Cockwork Orange

@Saberhagendaaz: Madame Zeroni is upset Stanley Yelnats didn't harass her.

@moosesanddeers: Or women can wait outside the locker room if being catcalled and/or seeing naked men bothers them. If I were a male reporter would I be granted interviews in a female locker room post-game?

Rape Axe... Man, the Nighthawks sure gave Clarett a nickname fast. He's only been in Omaha a couple weeks.

@UkraineNotWeak: These stories are like the fieldtrip to the cardboard box factory.