My guy turned to me in the middle of watching Sherlock and said "We should get married." Now that's romance, people.

I really hope less Piper also means less Larry.

I'm not sure what's more pathetic:

After I wrote about the Long Island Medium in 2011, I got tons of emails, up to one year later. People telling me I was wrong. People wanting to believe.

Stop, I'm fainting from the shock. You mean someone who would pick that hairdo doesn't have a greater understanding of the universe?

If the LIM could talk to spirits, they would have already told her that her manicure is dreadful and unflattering. Yes, worse than the hair.

Welp, I guess this is where I mention ALL SANDWICHES ARE OVER-RATED.

She didn't fall for shit, homegirl took those stairs all on her two front feet.

They talk a great deal of sense, I love that they are not taking any shit from people but dear god the cynic in me is just like 'yeah ok honey, come talk to me in 5 years when you've lived a little'.

How do we expect men to respect women or women to rise to more power when we don't respect our queendom in the same way that men respect their kingdom?

Meanwhile dog people are confused why their hobby of picking up poo with their hands isn't appreciated more by intellectuals.

I ate a 21 ounce filet mignon one time at Casa Piyo, an Argentinian steakhouse in San Miguel de Allende. It was so big they butterfly'd it to grill it. It was tender and delicious. The funny thing is they forgot my french fries and my sis-in-law called the waiter over to get them and I was like, "Jesus please us,…

She must have razor sharp front teeth to be able to rip bites of the steak like that.

tomorrow? I'm guessing she's got a few days while her body figures out what just happened.

Sounds awesome. As an aside, I've done a lot of business travel in Texas, and usually stay at hotels that have a breakfast buffet. Every. Single. Wafflemaker. outputs Texas-shaped waffles.

She has a long uncomfortable trip to the bathroom to look forward to tomorrow

I don't understand how this is in any way pleasurable. As a fat woman who loves food I just....I don't get this. I don't understand turning eating something delicious into a chore. It makes me kind of sad.

I...kind of want to know what happened after this. I mean do competitive eaters just basically pass out for 72 hours after this sort of thing? If I eat more than like 4 slices of pizza I am pretty much unconscious.

I could totally do this. I know that I could.

YOUR MOVE, SUGAR FREE GUMMY BEARS.