Nobody puts Baby on the floor.

I'd vote for "parasitic sack" but, alas, no one's asked me...

Personal story: I like working out late at night. Especially in the summer when it is 90 degrees in the sun, I prefer walking along this lit path and doing laps by walking off the trail and onto some sidewalks in an area of Kansas City.

Ok... maybe this will be good for me, like a last confession. And I swear upon everything I hold dear that this is absolute truth... *sigh*

I was once a DJ. On my way to working an event in Westchester, I got really sick while driving. I have a really bad stomach and of course I was drinking a huge coffee and smoking, which made things worse. My assistant was sitting in the passenger side, watching me turn white, sweating and almost crying. If I could…

I think I can win this.

This is a comment someone submitted.

The problem is that it's not your ignorant friend or her baby who will die. The beautiful 10 month old could be a carrier and infect babies (who can't be vaccinated till they are 6 months old) or some immune-compromised person. It's others who get burned when these idiots play with fire.

Oh yeah, they both totally were the very image of Greek statues if you mean they both were balding and had stomachs on them. I later realized after talking to my then husband that they were just douchebags. My ex-husband said he thought pregnant women were beautiful. So I know now that not all guys are dickwads who…

Brian Kilmeade was the pudgy polo wearing kid in your 5th grade class whose dad managed a Target and coached the schools baseball team who managed to somehow land a gig on a local news show after lumbering through a communications degree at State Tech whilst being the least funny but totally one of the bros dudes at…

Come on, we all know it was Lindsey Graham, aka the Senate version of your Sassy Gay Friend!

Dude, even that dog is like:

I've created a helpful chart for Walter.

No it's not - I got my license on a manual two years ago and was taught that unless you're on a very steep slope you never park the car in gear for precisely this reason.

This is standard practice for manual transmission.

haha, my first son did this with both hands for this anatomy scan. Then he just played with his little wiener. It was hard to stop laughing so the ultrasound tech could get better pictures. Oh, silly fetus.

Can we also get a list of Senators you shouldn't get in an elevator with because of their farts? I'm willing to bet a certain Kentuckian whose name rhymes with "Smitch SmcConnell" is on there.

"current Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas was just joshing when he put that curly pubic hair on her soda can back in the early 1990s"

That said, we at Jezebel humbly request the names of the congressmen we should steer clear of as a matter of public safety.

Shouldn't he be sitting on some ventriloquist's knee?