It was the biggest crowd ever, it’s just that many of Trump’s supporters are so white that they’re completely transparent. Also, he is very popular with vampire Americans, who do not show up in photographs, which is clearly Obama’s fault.

Anyone who ruins a quality cut of meat, even if it’s one of Trump’s shitty steaks, by overcooking it and dowsing it in ketchup is obviously a simpleton who should stick to ground beef. Unfortunately in this case the simpleton happens to be the President of the United States.

Having spent 7 years working in a steakhouse, I can attest that there are exactly two kinds of adults who eat steak like this:

Not even. The Goo Goo Dolls were a punk-ish Replacements-style outfit turned straight up lite rock that your mom listens to when she fills the hot tub, lights the candles and breaks out the toolbox of dildos. There’s not a single song in their discography that one would honestly call “post-grunge.” They’re not even a…

Paying $100 to not get a job with the Browns seems totally worth it.

I have small quibbles with these rankings, but they are basically correct. The main error most Pop Tart eaters make is not recognizing that, generally, non-frosted Pop Tarts are far superior to frosted Pop Tarts. All frosted Pop Tarts taste like basically the same thing—pure sugar—which is an okay thing, but something…

Who the fuck takes more than 20 seconds normally....

Before you get on the NFL about this issue, just remember that they employ more colorblind people than any other business. And that’s just including the refs.

A lot of people have terrible taste and/or put way too much on, though. Done right, scent is amazing. (hint - one solid spray or several small dabs is sufficient!) Scent is linked to memory, and if yours is distinctive (in a good way!) that’s a great thing for your relationships.