Conflict Diamond

Is it too much to ask for that mosquito to give him Zika?

#notalllatinas think he’s a great monster! Some of us think he’s a flatulant small handed impotent monster who has to wear diapers at night and cries in the shower, who only messes up facts because he never learned to read and only hates brown people because he’s never properly figured out how to tan his skin enough,…

#unpopularopinion I think Chelsea is funny and her talk show so far is a mixed bag but I appreciate that she’s willing to experiment. She’s iterating in real time; seeing what works, what doesn’t, and it’s cool that Netflix is willing to give her that creative freedom. Not everything has to be perfect and fully formed…

Okay but if that self-cleaning kitchen floor thing comes through I want to know about it.

That is a disturbing quantity of small teeth.

Calling the guy who just demanded the families of his enemies to be murdered a “relative moderate” should really tell you everything you need to know about american politics.

At about 1:56 into the Affleck-Colbert clip above, Colbert actually jokes first about any fighting, mentioning they should “fight at the end of the show” and “bare-knuckle boxing.” Casey Affleck responds with a surprised but joke-y come back, “You wanna fight me?” It’s not an invitation, it’s a reaction to Colbert’s…

Because 15-year-olds shouldn’t have 12 million dollars.

He once picked up a stray kitten and cuddled it...TO DEATH.

I usually hate videos, but these are great! And I can’t believe that nobody’s posted any Jim Gaffigan jokes yet! He’s got a great bit on seafood:

Also, now I want to re-buy all the Spice Girls albums.

This has nothing to do with the post, but my boyfriend and I just decided to elope in Zanzibar this summer and I’m too happy and excited to not tell *someone*

We can ship them out on planes, great planes, huge planes, I have lots of planes and I know what to get. The plane guys, they respect me. I can work with them. Right now, we don’t have that.

Sad face, I feel like the only person who does not find Jimmy Fallon funny or entertaining at all. Did everyone already forgot his inability to stay in character on the terrible SNL, or the American remake of Taxi? I am so alone!!

They’re already sending every cat they have to deal with Donald Trump. We may have to substitute badgers.

That’s a new image. Excellent creativity!

If you’re a freelancer, then having lots of connections is quite helpful.