I have succeeded in getting the smarter of my two cats to offer his cheek for a kiss in order to receive his treats, which we call “cookies”. So now he knows four words: “din-dins”, “cookies”, “kiss”, and that old favorite, “NO!”

Here’s a link that will NOT give the Feud Bitch your clicks: http://www.donotlink.com/cHP

You have no idea how popular “loose” is with French peeps, who are CONVINCED it is the way you spell “Lose”. Same as way back when they believed UCLA was pronounced “Ook-lah”.

Smartest diversionary tactic ever! I would love to visit Binkietown in Canada, however.

I realize this is horribly sexist, but when the nanny is smokin’ hot, there will be fuckery.

But what in the name of all that’s pink and shiny is it FOR?

To everyone in Florida from “us” over here in Yurp. No offense, hahahahahaha

I think you mean “Where is El Chapeau”, no? He’s right there in the lead photo, for heaven’s sake.

So who the fuck did she “charm” to get this title? The spirit of Adolfs past?

This is absolutely wonderful. I am an ancient person, but back in the day when stegosauruses taught biology, girls who got pregnant were 1. ostracized (which has nothing to do with ostriches) and b. forced to leave school because PREGNANT BELLY MAKE ME WANT TO FUK, I guess. About 15 years before the stegosaurus part,…

Louis C K on kids and shoes:

I’m totally addicted to the magnificent bitchery that is UnReal!

I rarely get a chance to brag because I rarely do anything bragworthy, but I’m a longtime supporter of APOPO rats and have been donating for years. Partly because my kids used to have pet rats and they were terrifically interesting pets. Mostly because these little guys really are heroes, and so are their trainers.

I kept thinking that. In fact, I think the cake would’ve been cuter if the stitching looked more like stitching, which is not to say that it currently resembles a vagina in any way.

Well fuck. You deserve all the stars.

Spot on. And hilarious.

Oops, I think you meant “Jeering”.

Jon Stewart’s sign saying “black-ish-ish” killed me.

Ohmagah, so you screengrabber guys are, like, what, six? seven? Make that five.

I wish I’d said that. Kudos.