So this means they brew their own water, right?

Chris Brown thinks?

The "I'm sorry" and the fucking arrow just draw attention to the original tattoo and male it far uglier. A great tattoo artist could have come up with something like a leaves-and-flowers design, for example, that incorporated and camouflaged the stupid Chinese symbols. Something like this, but adapted to the original…

Or, far more importantly, electrocuting yourself.

I have THREE garlic presses. The dream: I has it.

A salad spinner will change your salad options forever! Buy all sorts of fresh, cruddy young greens, soak them to get the crud off, then spin those suckers till they're dry, and you can store them in your crisper for days. The taste compared to bagged salad? Like Chablis Premier Cru compared to screw-top Chardonnay.

I would gladly make a video of myself beating this guy half to death with that fucking cardboard cat, if anyone wants to fly me over from France.

(singing) "You say potato, I say intrauterine device"...

"When did society decide that picture-perfect model looks were The Right Looks"? Oh, about the same time they invented cover girls, who morphed into top models, who morphed into supermodels, and they're all made out of ticky-tacky, and they all look just the same.

I wonder if my eons-ago boyfriend Eddie belongs to this church, as he once referred to me as "an elaborate cock-sock". Our relationship was not a "long" one, get it? Heh heh.

Oh, well, Allegheny County. 13% of adults there are illiterate. Srsly: "The National Assessment of Adult Literacy indicates that 13 percent of adults are in the lowest of four literacy levels, called Below Basic. Those adults struggle with everyday tasks such as understanding the instructions on a medicine bottle or…

"Maybe corporations are classified as super-people because they're something men can give birth to." This is the truthiest thing I have read in eons.

Where is the white horsie?

This is utterly unsurprising for Philadelphia. I used to work for a well-known city councilman there in the 70's and the Chariman of the City Council introduced a guest from Nigeria to the press, pronouncing the country name as if it were spelled with two g's, if you get my drift (this is a matter of public record).…

Why are so many responses now "Pending"? This is a new low, Jezebel.

What a bullshit comment. When you've been in a near-miss, the first thing you (well, most people) think of to say is "It's okay, it's okay, I'm not dead".

Awww, she has her daddy's smile!

But but but it's only a selfie if you take it yourself, so wouldn't it be more of a S'middlemore?

If anyone still needs proof that teenagers are stupid, look no further.

Are those tiny spatulas? Please tell me she doesn't work in the food industry...