At this point, The Onion is no longer satire. It's an oracle, giving us the news a little bit before it happens.

True story: I had a former boss who decided to give nude recreation a go. She went to one colony with a female friend and came back a few weeks later. When we asked her how it went, she said, "Overall, it was good. But there was one man who sort of crepped me out. He always tried to talk to me, and I could tell he…

I was pretty grossed out by Miley's little number too. The bears and the grinding and the sports hand notwithstanding, what really bothers me about this is her instance that it's not only appropriate, but it's actually cool for her to fill her dance with black women as props. At best they're meant to look like…

I'm confused as to why he's doing crack cocaine - that doesn't make sense. If you have money, you're typically doing coke. There IS something off about it.

Totally. Why the hell did he tag on to that? He has the song of the summer, and its only speed bump is that people think it's misogynist. So how about instead of corroborating that sentiment by slithering around with a sexed-up former child star, you blow it out of the water with an amazing, solo performance?

People talking about Gaga = 0

The most offensive thing about Miley is her insistence that she can dance.

I hate to imagine the texts Liam Hemsworth got when this performance aired... yikes.

Ummmm do you still have his number

How does science explain that someone suddenly knows a whole language they never studied? Or maybe never even heard? Is there a logical explanation?

Can you chose the type of christian you want to swing with? Like is there an option where you say you're episcopalian, or baptist, or whatever and you want to swing with episcopalians, anglicans but no methodists!

I think I kind of get this. Like when you hook up with someone and you later find out they are racist or vote Republican and then you are disgusted in yourself and can never bring yourself to fuck them again. I'm sure Christian swingers have the same experience when finding out the hung leather daddy that they invited…

Isn't swinging sort of inherently un-Christian? It's definitely un-Catholic, but I don't know that much about chastity in other Christian sects.

I'm going to be the one to say this... this normalizes Kanye for me. And despite his hysterics through out the years I have always loved him. His confidence, er cockiness has gotten me through many a tough time. His awkwardness around Kris,his speaking voice, I don't know, it only made me love him more. I'm willing…

That baby is damn cute. Those cheeks are so puffy and chubby that I just want to eat them off her face! Cute aggression ftw.

I wear makeup nearly everyday. I can leave the house without it on but will probably put it on at some point in the day. My mother was a makeup-free woman, never had it in the house. As soon as I was old enough though, I was all over it.

Except its a paradox. People will post "uglies" expecting others to call them hot or attractive or what not. It reeks of fishing for compliments

#nomakeup #sexybetch