Besides the physical description of himself, this is my ex. Right down to the Grouper reference. UGH. He was the worst. I could do nothing but disappoint him.

Every asshole wants a tall girl until we're towering over them in heels.

Quote the section of this essay where I say "men are jerks."

Well atleast I could tell what she is supposed to be. I can't figure out the rest of them to save my life except they are themed like the country they are from I guess? Miss Switzerland is a slutty snow fairy? Miss Russia is a secret member of the vatican? So confused...

No no. It was not enjoying sex with you.

Brooklyn women are picky b/c they can AFFORD to be, honey!

Gina Rodriguez isn’t a regular publicist, she's a cool publicist.

It doesn't matter if anyone is really going to rape her. The threat of raping someone is fucked up either way.

It pretty much is. There's a little creek with glow worms under the bank overhangs and trout and eel in it and everything. If you're ever in New Zealand and looking for a place to stay in the bush, they have a B&B cottage too.

This story really has me coming out of my shell. I wish law enforcement would really grind down and crack these cases. But I guess if you want the seeds of justice to grow, you have to Plant 'er yourself.

Oh my god. OH MY GOD. it's all falling into place now. What goes best with maple syrup? WALNUTS, THATS WHAT! These crimes are totally linked. It's the maple walnut mafia for sure.

Nooooo never steal a walnut! My parents are IRL walnut farmers (except in NZ not California), and they have lovingly raised their trees with friendly sheep lawnmower friends, frequent hugs and chicken company. That's why walnuts taste like love.

I believe her. At that age, if you have the genetic makeup to give you that basic physical shape, it's entirely true that you don't have to do anything special to 'look like that'.

It sounds as if modest and slut are the only two choices when they aren't.

Her twitter account was great for a while there. Maybe she can bring some of that magic back?

WHAT.

I really like her studio albums and I play them on repeat when I first get them for weeks on end. But I've seen her perform live twice and she sucked major horse balls. I mean simply terrible, didn't know the lyrics of her own songs, and generally looked like she could care less about giving the audience a good show.…