Mallory Ortberg is the shit. If she thinks dude should be gone, I’m glad dude is gone. End of story.

Pshh, this challenge is discriminatory! I can’t even hold a pencil there, damn!

I think the “spark joy” is a sticking point for everyone. And, I think people misinterpret it. Every single thing doesn’t have to make you dance with joy. But, everything has to have a purpose. I feel like somewhere in there, with thanking things for their usefulness, there’s also the idea that everything you own…

One of my favorite things about the Knot is that they refer to bridesmaids as BMs. I googled “who pays for a destination bachelorette” (seriously, do I have to pay for the bride’s vacation here?) and a bunch of people kept talking about how their “BMs paid for their bachelorette party.” I was like, man, some party, if…

It has been ONE DAY since she’s taken her gender transition public. Can we please not demonize her elderly mother, who’s clearly trying to be supportive? We don’t have to applaud her, but jesus, do you expect her to be perfectly versed on trans issues instantly?

“We don’t have the right to bear arms because of burglars; we have the right to bear arms to resist the supreme power of a corrupt and abusive government. It’s not about duck hunting; it’s about the ability of the individual.”

What you doing in here, Kris? Don’t you have some momaging to do?

Because of a greenhouse? Did a villainous scallywag greenhouse break your heart?

My boyfriend who I had not seen in 4 months met me at the airport. I had mentioned that I had always wanted someone to meet me at a plane with roses, but no one ever had. He said he didn’t really do flowers and wouldn’t do it because he wouldn’t know what to buy. I was so disappointed. Then I get to the airport. And…

I loved that line about wanting to give her something as beautiful as she makes him feel. I’ll admit, that one made me melt a little.

Yaaaaaaaassss. I’m so here for this new crop of teen and YA black celebs getting all up in their afro-futurist feels and daring to be weird in public. There’s room for that and I am SO EXCITED to see what kind of work they’ll be putting out into the world as they get older.

Yes. Like a looooong front and back 10 page, handwritten in red ink letter all about how much I hated him and how he ruined my life. In my defense I was having a deep seated mental breakdown. Also that fucker deserved it.

You don’t get a whole lot of choice when searching Google Images for “Biblical traffic jams”.

Isn’t this that movie with the white chick playing an Asian woman in a Hawaii that is almost entirely white? Pass

I have no idea if it’s an FAA rule, and don’t really have time to look it up for you, I was just guessing.

You go ahead and try violating that “policy not rule” on your next mercifully infrequent flight and see how far that cute little semantic twist gets you.

United Carry-On Bag policy: “Each traveler can bring on board one carry-on bag plus one personal item free of charge. To ensure a smooth boarding experience, it’s important to make sure that these items will fit into the overhead bin or under the seat in front of you.”

Not really joking. All of the Bothering Me options are a No Go. I don’t really give a crap if anyone’s kid gets to see grandma or not. You got your troubles I got mines.

Very odd that every Hairpin writer that migrated over to Jezebel has seemingly lost her mind and become really nasty and defensive.

Because the whole reason I allow her to fly in such a position is to make you happy, you pricks.