You do mean “eating her out a lot” right?

They’re also inviting liability from someone who sought help and wasn’t adequately cared for.

The hippie subdivision of the baby industrial complex: parents are so overwhelmed and desperate for solutions that they’ll do/buy/eat/try anything that might help.

Every time I have either asked a man on a date or (and) paid for my meal, I have found myself ending up with a lazy, lukewarm manchild. Relying on the scientific method, I no longer ask men on dates or try very hard to split the cost of the first date.

Living room picnic? Movie night (with treats and popcorn)?

In principle, the splitting is not the problem. But the venn diagram of people who want to pay for only their share and people who cheap out on their share is very nearly a circle.

All I’m saying is that in my experience, people who think they’re paying for what they ordered almost always underestimate that total. And I’m not interested in insisting that in fact they owe $6 more than whatever they’ve offered.

Like I said, I don’t think that asking for a separate check at the beginning of the meal is at all a problem. That’s really easy on everyone and not disruptive at all to the meal.

To me, I’m paying for the shared experience of a meal together - not the food. And I also think that next time, I might have the lobster and you’ll have the salad and it will all work out in the end.

I actually don’t mind picking up the difference - in those situations, they clearly need the $4 more than I do. What I don’t like is that people defend this practice as being more fair. I think it only feels more fair when you can ride on the generosity of other people.

THIS is also a very, very gracious way of handling the situation.

I guarantee you that with that method, someone ends up paying a lot more than they should. Someone who is too polite to call out their cheap friends and would rather just pony up the $10.

Then why not ask for your own check at the beginning of the meal? That’s easy on everyone.

I’m not talking about asking for separate checks (although I think most servers would tell you that they strongly prefer that you ask before you order), I’m talking about sitting at the table and making your little calculations before contributing. And then abdicating any responsibility for the balance.

Because inevitably, the person who is trying to keep it cheap eats the $4.75 soup and throws down $5, sticking everyone else with his or her share of the tax and tip and everyone else is gracious enough to just pay the difference. And if they do get called out, they accuse everyone else of nickel-and-dime’ing them.

Because it’s inconvenient for the server and tedious for your dining companions. And it becomes very treacherous when you maybe have different perceptions of just how much wine your drank or miscalculate what your share of the tax and tip ought to be - especially if your intent is to try to ensure that number is as…

Why don’t you ask for your own check at the beginning of the meal?

Then maybe this isn’t the right time to go out to eat with people? Or at least not people with whom you aren’t comfortable telling that you would like to get your own check at the start of the meal.

To me, part of a meal out with someone is sharing the experience of eating with them. If all I wanted was food, I could eat alone. There is an extra cost to sharing a meal with friends or family (whether it’s a slightly nicer restaurant than I would have chosen or a “shared” bottle of wine that I only drank a glass…

If it’s a consistent source of friction, why not just tell the server that you’ll be on separate checks at the start of the meal? If they press, tell them that it’s because you’re using a new budgeting app or something.