"No, it's not windy!"

[begins composing a very nasty telegram to Shefter]

"How do I get in on this trade?" - Lance Armstrong

I see the Birdman one is very lifelike.

unfortunately, the ball landed on an Afghan wedding, killing 17.

As opposed to ex-XFL players, who are generally charged with parking cars at strip clubs.

Where were all these law scholars last month when the Supreme Court struck down the Voting Rights Act.....

More than one way to get a maillot jaune.

Clearly he's rooting for the KaTusha Team.

"So," ESPN Prez John Skipper Says, "We Eliminated a Bunch of Cartographers"

It's okay to say "Dan Snyder" - people named Dan Snyder say it to each other all the time! What can't we say it?

Well, not exactly the golden age of sports commissioners, though, is it?

They may allow denim, but it'll be a cold day in hell before they accept any Levis.

Enough with these fucking Foodspin posts.

“I figured that if I'm able, the Lord's blessed me with an able body while I'm young, to get out there and get dirty.”

I think it's great that Coffee is thinking about his future by choosing a career with fewer long term health risks.

YES. HOAPITALS. OH GOD, WE NEED MORE HOAPITALS.

He was stiff, motionless . . . it looked the guy had been shot somewhere else and dumped here.

"I think her parents really made a mistake," mused the sociopathic monster whose bizarre childhood experiences spearheaded by a dominant megalomaniac of a father have mutated her into a test case for the negative influence of overcompetitive youth athletics.

A-Rod can hide, but he can't run.