I like how you can see the literal and metaphorical hole Fred Lindstrom dug for his team right at the very beginning. Excellent foreshadowing.

Pedro is Ned Yost's daddy.

I don't want to get any Ohio on me.

I seriously thought poorly lit Goldblum was Joe Namath.

Neither the scoreboard nor the Minutemen were spared by Bowling Green.

Is it just me, or has there been an egregious overuse of the word "creepy" in the last few years? It now seems to be applied anytime something is vaguely weird.

I would like to congratulate Derek Jeter on creating a new genre of literature called auto-hagiography.

Not kidding: DON'T TURN ON FIRST TAKE RIGHT NOW. DO NOT TURN IT ON.

Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you? The correct word is obviously rouge, as even the most basic Google search would indicate. And you're berating people when you're the one who doesn't know what you're talking about?!?

I'm far more offended by the notion that Paris Hilton is allegedly hot.

Oh, that doesn't mean Butkus.

Someone's got it in for me, they're planting stories in the press

See big willy at Minard's!

Soooo...Fartbarf Fister? Wow.

Being the Cubs, how could they have qualms with the Troubled Asset Relief Program?

I'd actually be worried more about what happens to Tiger after golf.

"Go tell Mike Stratton that AFL titles don't count."

At least make it a personal foul, instead of mere encroachment.

It's an actual Ron Burgundy come to life.

That's the best toss of a dummy since the 1919 World Series.