There is a woman behind UConn's bench who looks alarmingly similar to Carrot Top.

You know it's bad when your mom has a bigger dick than you do.

Johnnie Walker Blue. Do it right.

That voiceover was Ron Franklin. Isn't that right, Sweet Baby Asshole?

Worst Leonard Cohen themed porno: I Came so Far For Beauty.

"I am going to try and focus and catch Donovan's balls."

@ToddReesingsTurfFacial: Quite nice! Consider yourself hearted.

This reminds me of being five years old, when I threw my teddy bear at the Calgary hitman who crept into my room at night. Ah, childhood.

"Rebuilding a culture, rebuilding personnel, and I would have loved to have been a part of that moving forward."

Terrible skeevy cantor occured when I was goosed while reading my Torah portion.

Benedict Arnold: Fortshopping on Thursday, Late for West Point on Friday, Suspended for Treason.

Wow. Newman-O's really are better than Oreos.

@Bellwether Johnson: At minimum, Jesus could beat Chaminade and possibly a Pearl-less UT.

DUAN theme song:

@Maloik: See, I'd have figured that out, if not for the whole imbecile schmuck thing I have going on.

@ursa: 100% right. Good dip masks crappy chips, but no chip can mask wretched filth all over it.

@vodkanaut: Uh, Tim Horton Tuesday wasn't doomed for me, and I don't even live in WNY any more. Although I used to love when the actual store was open 24 hours instead of just the drive through.

@Bobby Big Wheel: It's cool, man. She left me for Super Dave Osborne.

Serious question: why do all the smart starred Deadspinners have to work tomorrow, while imbecile schmucks like me have like five days off in a row?

"hurl something sharp and sturdy"