@MarkKelsosMigraine: Thank you for standing up for my hometown, as always. #philadelphiaphillies

@Tony Reali's Winning Smile: +1 Stat Boy #wakeupdeadspin

Chris Christie objects to your characterization of Wells' column. #worldseries

@Rick Mahorn's Pimp Hand is Concrete Cyanide: Just needs a space in there, right? "Lay La Kiffin" #laylakiffin

Repeat after me: NO. REILLY. JOKES.

@Weed Against Speed: Couldn't he have at least called the old stadium the Huge Culverhouse once in a while, just to mix it up?

For fuck's sake, I just inherited money! Give me the god damn PayPal link so I can contribute to the defense fund!! #seansalisbury

@I Like Cheap Beer: You guys are wrong, man. Playboy ranked our women sixth hottest in the country when I was at IC.

Look, I'm not pissed that he nailed that chick. I'm mad that she went to Ithaca, as I did, and we used to be nationally recognized for the hotness of our women.

Randy Moss (if in Green Bay) 1/1 #badbeats

"Hey, why aren't I considered one of the Poise Boys?"

Ex-Steelers Mike Webster and Justin Strzelczyk would like to have a word with the league on this.

I went with Horatio Fuckbot myself.

@kylejahner: The court ruled that a +1 needs to be bused in for you.

GET FUCKED AND DIE NAKED IN AN ABANDONED MINE SHAFT.

See, I actually watch out for Pat McInally at bars. That scary Harvard motherfucker threw down a 50 on the Wonderlich my balls!

@UkraineNotWeak: AHEM says Washington, as we are always the ones forgotten in the attacks.

@DirkToberFest: He could be Ryan O'Neal's son, though. This is the kind of thought process people must have if they were spawned by Ryan O'Neal.

@Bobby Big Wheel: Um...hello? Your objection is to Dash's slander of Hartford's cherished Pucky, not all this random bilingual shit.

@Convict78: Awww...that's the sweetest thing a woman has said to me all day!