If they can watch the Big Ten sober, they're better men (and women) than me.

So...it's only Mark Grace and I who tramp stamp our own road beef? How the hell do you guys recognize yours when you get to [town redacted]?

I'll never travel far/

"...he was spending way too much money on HDMI cables but I didn't say anything"

Well, look at my hometown gracing Deadspin TWICE this morning!

The world keeps wanting me to see something hot when I look at Danica Patrick. And all I ever see is a pear-shaped Ohio body.

@Tracy Ham and Eggs: Or in the "1920's entertainment" section.

@Johnny D: THANK YOU. Someone finally talking some damn sense! Barrack's Row is vastly underrated and crushes Adams Morgan like I club baby seals on weekends.

@crazyjoedavola: Hmmm...but does he hate partying and yet fuckin' LOVE partying? It's a fine line with those guys.

@Bobby Big Wheel: Seriously, man...what the fuck is so special about that place, besides being mediocre, an eternity from Metro, and overcrowded with screaming children?

Tax one for the Gipper.

This reminds me of the first time I got laid.

@Steve U: No, this was morally rather than fiscally bankrupt.

Tyler Clippard actually hurt himself somewhat giving up that last run. It was almost sad enough to remind me of...my own Deadspin handle.

Uh, YEAH Vernon Wells welcomes this! Vernon Wells welcomes ANYTHING that takes the focus away from his offense (offence).

@AugieOjedaFanClub: Uh...is it bad that we also say that to Austin Kearns here in Washington?

Thanks for making me relive the close loss to Notre Dame, AJ. That's pretty awesome.

"Then he became the most corrupt and hated man to ever hold that office..."

To balance out Quinn's un-Cleveland level of fitness, they placed a more typical Northeast Ohioan right next to him.

Following the game, the Tribe hired Dave Winfield to eliminate this problem.