You shut your filthy mouth about Wentz.

Yeah well my bookie is getting my child support check because of that kick, so I know how Wentz feels.

My step uncle is always up for some heat. It’s kind of a running thing we have, like “Hey, you gotta try this.” I picked up something from a farmers market, tried a tiny bit of it, and realized it was just too much. So I got a bottle for him for Christmas.

I remember in college, this dude I knew would walk around with a sack of habañero peppers, eating one every once in a while. At a party we had one weekend, the guy got challenged by one of our chump neighbors with the neighbor saying he couldn’t possibly eat the peppers straight. To everyone’s amazement, Habañero…

Where do you think Beas comes out vis-a-vis the earth, namely as it relates to its roundness?

This kid I worked with (who had spent the majority of his adult life in prison for assault, but that’s beside the point) dared another coworker to eat 5 jalapenos and he’d give him a tattoo. Guy #2 wolfed down the jalapenos, puking and shrieking in the prep kitchen until I had to go downstairs and tell them to shut…

The look on that woman’s face so obviously says, “I spent 3 weeks in fittings for this dress and 6 hours today getting my hair, nails, and makeup done. I am standing here with sore feet in high heels and these jerks — who will always be paid more than me — look like they drove over here after cleaning out the garage.…

Yeah, a jalapeno is pretty weak. I’d understand throwing up from a habanero more.

What are you supposed to do on vacation with kids?

I know being a middle-aged married guy means you don’t have anyone to impress, but I definitely feel a LOT better if I shower up, shave, and at least put on something with a collar.

I heard he writes in the margins of books he borrowed from the library.

Fried chicken + beer = gritty:

Lester had a point. It is a slippery slope. Especially now that it has nacho cheese all over it.

Milkshake duck gonna milkshake duck

“A guy fell into him and got nacho cheese on his arm and now he’s taking pictures and signing autographs. It shows you where our society’s at right now with all that stuff.”

“A guy fell into him and got nacho cheese on his arm and now he’s taking pictures and signing autographs”

Jeez Jon, lighten up. I guess that’s just nacho bag, baby.

Related question, why are lineman allowed to aid runner these days? Arizona had Dez walled up at the 2 yard line before Frederick came plowing in to push Dez into the end zone. As a child growing up in the 1970's, I would see an aiding penalty quite often. I can’t even remember one being called this century.

More information about the relationship between Big Literature and the Military Induatrial Complex:

Who is Krill Minton?