You’ve never heard of American Apparel? Really? Really?

dad jokes about your dad. dad joke inception.

2 fold really: 1) to stick it in Trumps craw and 2) there was lots of lobbying for Manning.

Manning did deserve prison for the vast amount of classified information leaked and lack of specificity of what was taken. Though because Manning was not an enemy spy, I think 35 years was 15-20 years too much. Where Snowden and…

I lost it at “You think Bill Cowher or Mike Ditka or Green Bay just waltzed into cozy jobs?” This is the actual thought process for the part-owners (fans) of their team.

It’s the participation trophy culture/political correctness run amok, my friend. Stay strong.

Millenniums don’t even have to pay their dues before getting massive payouts and that’s why they are soft. Bill Belichik had to work for THIRTY YEARS in the rock smashing factory before anyone even allowed him into the room where you can look at a football. The only thing these Millenniums are DISRUPTING is hard work.…

I was starting to feel old because I’m older than the majority of NFL players. I am not prepared to be older than the coaches.

A long, long time ago, in a frozen state far away, my parents would listen to little baby Jewel on the radio in Alaska. Her father had a broadcasting station in a shed, and he would blast out some sick beats and also his 5-year-old singing daughter. You take your entertainment where you can when you live in a cabin…

Jewel has mentioned this before. On much longer, better interviews on the Howard Stern Show, also on Sirius XM. Also, she wrote a song about Eric the Actor.

She used to come into this restaurant I worked at in Telluride, Colorado and she was always very kind and quiet and shockingly teeny. I’m always shocked by how teeny most celebrities are in person. 

my dad buys my mom a journal for christmas every year. i mean, this man spends HOURS driving to different stores to find the perfect one. she mostly writes little blurbs, like “1/11/2017: rainy and foggy, i had the day off and [husband] is working in the basement. we are having dinner with marvin and marilyn tonight.”…

my wife massaged david beckham. in his hotel room. i dropped her off and picked her up. yes, seriously.

but but but! what if we told you we wanted it? that we really really wanted it?

This is like porn to me, only better, because it’s not me feeling dejected and alone in the world and pathetic and left in tears at the end of the video, it’s Alabama fans. Plus I was still able to get off.

This Wall-Mounted Anger Outlet Is Now Cheaper Than Ever

There will be so many amazing moments, and you will forget.

Bama fans get like half the championships in the last decade, then punch their TVs after finally losing one of them.

Shep Mcallister will soon be posting a amazing Kinja Amazon deal about a slightly used, out of box return, flat screen.

You’d be amazed how many times per semester I go through this with students. In a class of 20, I’ll probably have at least 5-6 of them give the “family emergency” excuse over the course of 14 weeks. I don’t need to know all the nitty gritty details when this stuff happens, but the excuse sort of wears thin if it’s not…

Every girl I date uses those same lines.