I hate to sound elitist (sort of) but the fucking guy didn’t even graduate from college. I’m not comfortable having a president who doesn’t have a college degree, and I know a large chunk of America is just going to eat up that storyline.

You can’t just use a Swiffer for that?

Welcome to our show— hold on, I gotta finish this blowjob.

Oh the irony of Sapp complaining that someone talks too much.

A BJ with a rubber for $600 is the saddest crime in this whole story

For our sake he was crucified under Belichick and Ryan; he suffered, died, and was buried. And on the third offseason, he rose again in fulfillment of the scriptures. He ascended into Philadelphia and is seated at the right hand of Kelly, the head coach. He will play again in glory, to judge the players and ESPN, and…

“Jay Glazer: Tim Tebow, in or out?”

I wonder how Iggs fan is going to react when Tebow tries to throw a deep out and hits his center in the back of the head.

the liberal media coming after conservatives

I read Brennan’s Masters column.

Do you think raising Dave Thomas from the dead is going to productive in this?

[Beethoven’s 9th symphony begins blaring]
[images of hyenas eating corpses]
[images of ISIS beheadings]
[penile plethysmograph needle starts vibrating]
[images of Bambi running around in forest fire]
[images of race riots]
[images of universal collapse]
[penile plethysmograph needle scratching faster]
[images of medieval…

So he got married?

Gambling is illegal at Bushwood, sir...and I NEVER slice.

Prosecutor: Mr. Hernandez, what exactly are you holding in this video?
Hernandez: That? Oh, that’s just my smoking gun.

looks like Mickey Rourke with some kind of palsy

The league will also be keeping a special camera on her at all times to ensure that there’s video evidence for the inevitable sexual assault case.

Or Ray Rice's ill-timed Punch Drunk Love sequel.