Brett Favre would only get 5 yards

just bring up the name whataburger, that should be enough to make Brunell cry, then throw up.

Brunell was emotionally shaken up because he had just gotten off the phone with his accountant moments before the segment aired.

The way ESPN has been acting all day I'm pretty sure it's a video of Bill Belichick disinflating a football while looking into the camera and huskily whispering, "You like that, don't you?"

Lowry then really got upset when the kid asked him for a mustache ride.

I think Belichick should be strapped to a chair with his eyelids peeled back and forced to watch Peter King bathe naked in a hot tub of takes while every columnist listed above gives him rusty trombones in turn.

"I paid some guys off to get the balls right," Johnson now admits.

Man, everybody knows the Colts got robbed!! Had the balls been properly inflated, the score would've been WAY different. Like 38-7 or 35-7 or something.

Am I the only one who thinks that it looks like Goodell pissed his pants in that picture?

Attacking this ray with Enthusiasm Unknown to Mankind

Attacking this day with Euthanasia Unknown to Mankind

"Attacking Janay with Enthusiasm Unknown to Mankind"

Keep your eyes on the stars, and your feet in my lap.

Crazy sticks dick in crazy—shit gets crazy.

PENIS BITTEN THROUGH PANTS WHILE WRESTLING BY BROTHER.

Glad to see that after all these years, the Jets are finally putting their foot down.

If he truly keeps following Batch's career and life path he'll really be screwed, because he likely won't have any Super Bowl rings to sell for bankruptcy.

Ten minutes later, his Frosty was ready.

Old Big Gums is legitimately dressed like Tyrone Biggums.

"Maybe we ought to give this guy a call — would be great doing 'Black Dog.'"