This, then, is what happens when a king of the three true outcomes loses his bat speed, and with it his power to keep pitchers honest, and is reduced to a one-true-outcome hitter. (The one true outcome for all of us is decline, and, eventually, death.)

I can’t be the only one relieved not to find myself in there.

... and yet, being hit by a car is not included. The list is a failure.

Speaking as someone who has used that exact model: no. Just no.

Speaking as someone who has used that exact model: no. Just no.

Nevertheless...

I genuinely do not know if I could beat this kid in a fight.

Yes, I believe it’s called Marvmarinovichism  

Speaking from personal experience, he'll probably end up fired at the end of the year.

“A NEW RECORD!”

Used to live in MD. I’ve been to TeaVolve many times. That place is amazing! Some of the best coffee, tea, and food in town. It’s a wee bit on the smaller side so Sunday brunch can get dicey if you’re not early.

13.86 seconds 

It was the Os Johnny had trouble with. He had no trouble with the Xs.

This is a great-grand(mother) story but close enough:

Are we sure she actually petted the dog and wasn’t just examining its suitability as a future coat?

“If you guys can’t behave, I’m going to pull this arena over right now and...”

True story: Me: “Why is there a dead body on the back of your horse?”

The weather felt dreadful the whole time I was in Amsterdam and I was glad to have the Museumkaart as an excuse to spend most of my time indoors!

I was in Amsterdam for two weeks over the ‘16-’17 holidays and my best advice is to get a Museumkaart and use the hell out of it! :) If you have enough time, take advantage of the fact that you can go back into museums to split up bigger ones (I took in the Rijksmuseum on three visits). I used the Museumkaart to visit…

SHUT UP STOP CRYING AT MY DESK.