I would've made a great WR, but my dumb middle school coach put me on the OL in 8th grade, so I never tried out in high school.

Act 1 is is a hyper-bloody Western.

I second bringing back Greggggggggg... I usually had to close my office door before reading that section.

Ketchup counts as a vegetable, right?

I eats me spinach!

I assume they double as a bottle opener right?

Failed to remove hat during the National Anthem.

Aaaaah! My Achilles tendon!

Hills and intervals. It's a simple solution (doing it's the hard part).