Just three more weeks until the Twins are mathematically eliminated from playoff contention, then all those season tickets hit stubhub at $3 a pop.

A gay AIDs joke, really?

Somebody's about to sass himself into extra chores.

This may be the definitive exchange on Bryce Harper.

Not at all surprised. Even spread over 12 years, $6 million is a pretty ambitious figure when your only currency is keistered smokes.

... or Portland, OR.

Ditto. Leinies are great, and even though they're bought out by Miller, they still brew almost all of their beer in the Chippewa Falls brewery. Being part of the conglomerate is more about distribution networks than beer quality, which is the real appeal to crafts in the first place - they don't taste like…

He's just the worst. From "put it on the booooooooooard," to the incessant blind homerism. It's like watching a baseball game with the living embodiment of the Yahoo! comment section. If you are not a White Sox fan, it ranks up there with a prostate exam in terms of enjoyment. He's just the worst.

Waiting for Deadspin to give this the concussion treatment. Que 2,500 words from Barry Petchesky on why jump shots are bullshit and parents need to pull their kids out of AAU.

Good God, Todd Helton is making $6 million.

Did he just unhook my bra?

Cocksucker = the worst thing you can call an umpire

NERD!

Nice, I was hoping someone would make this observation. Good read.

Equally egregious? The fact that cross-town rival Jesus Tap-dancing Christ got snubbed in the Compound Regional.

This would be another big blow to the Church to see Jesus Christ fail to come back during Holy Week.

The economic benefit to the community, like every stadium ever, is negligible.

I'd agree. It's not a complete game-over, but life won't be the same. It does feel pretty fitting for the crime, as the victims carry that emotional trauma with them for life.

You're forgiven.

Legitimately laughed out loud at this one. Please have a great day.