Pretty sure that’s a Pontiac Sunfire, bro.

Police were called according to the witness

Jay Cutler has zero chill.

It seems like Russell Wilson and J.J. Watt, are neck-and-neck, for the “NFL’s Most Annoying Player”.

I hope those fans leaving early had a good Dr. Pepper Championship Drive home.

Anybody that wears a bow tie to a football game deserves to be sad

Just change it to the Fighting Sue and have your mascot dress up like Johnny Cash. Damn that was easy...

Hello Mudda

A vegan, an atheist, a Crossfitter, and someone who lives in Austin walk into a bar...

“Scrubs.”

Yeah ... shit got real for a minute. I didn't like it.

A handy TL;DR version of what is my new favorite top ten list of all time:

Reading this is as close as I’d like to get to simulating a stroke.

I love how she goes to bat for the women of Houston by asking if you have ever been to a titty bar in Houston. Make your mother proud lady.

You’d be mad too if you were a man named Susan.

That hurt my brain and that email is DEFINITELY being used in the 2016 edition of Why Your Team Sucks: Houston Texans

Paul will be in a great deal of pain, certainly, but not nearly as much as anyone willingly watching a Redskins-Browns preseason game.

... but only if you clear it with his parole officer in advance.

“20 minutes in and I’m still this far from the stadium? Thank god for these terraces!”
[jumps]