Jay Cutler has zero chill.

It seems like Russell Wilson and J.J. Watt, are neck-and-neck, for the “NFL’s Most Annoying Player”.

I hope those fans leaving early had a good Dr. Pepper Championship Drive home.

Anybody that wears a bow tie to a football game deserves to be sad

Just change it to the Fighting Sue and have your mascot dress up like Johnny Cash. Damn that was easy...

Hello Mudda

A vegan, an atheist, a Crossfitter, and someone who lives in Austin walk into a bar...

“Scrubs.”

Yeah ... shit got real for a minute. I didn't like it.

A handy TL;DR version of what is my new favorite top ten list of all time:

Reading this is as close as I’d like to get to simulating a stroke.

I love how she goes to bat for the women of Houston by asking if you have ever been to a titty bar in Houston. Make your mother proud lady.

You’d be mad too if you were a man named Susan.

That hurt my brain and that email is DEFINITELY being used in the 2016 edition of Why Your Team Sucks: Houston Texans

Paul will be in a great deal of pain, certainly, but not nearly as much as anyone willingly watching a Redskins-Browns preseason game.

... but only if you clear it with his parole officer in advance.

KNEEEEEEEEL

Alternate theory:

“20 minutes in and I’m still this far from the stadium? Thank god for these terraces!”
[jumps]