I'm the chick with the blue mascara! Ulta only cares Butter London and Nyx now. There used to be so much blue mascara. So sad. Blue tear.

I'm dying on those cheekbones. GAWD.

Never have I ever laughed to the point of tears on Jezebel, but tonight Ellie and Sugarhill, you have done it for me.

Way back when, I used to do this same exact thing with film canisters (you know, that dark time when cameras still had film in them). Then I'd put on scented marker "lipstick". Then my teacher would tell me I was going to get ink poisoning. Such fun.

I want to sit down with those pinterest boards and a bottle of Jack and just scroll through going, "BaHAhahaHa!"

Anyone else down for being a brassy dame?

Finally, proof that Johnny Depp is at least half-cat!

Thank you so much for adding this. My fellow and I just recently split and the lack of other kinds of touch was a major problem for me. It began to feel like the only time he wanted to touch me in any way was during sex, which made me feel awful in half a dozen different ways. At one point during our protracted…

I'm actually eager to try this one out. They crowd-funded on Kickstarter. The Lily Cup Compact by Intimina.

Jersey smurf. Halloween 2015. Done.

mistress-bating. Sure the mastur isn't really master but whatevs.

Tried to single-handedly decide what "our song" would be six weeks in. He decided it would be Buckcherry's "Crazy Bitch". I then made my own unilateral decision—to never see him again.

Not new, try again:

and heaven forbid she use more than three notes to do it all.

To emulate Arnold Abbott, see if your local community has#HashtagLunchbag. Some places have regular folks doing it who post meets through meetup.com or start your own by filling out the form online and rallying a few like-minded friends (or Jezebel readers). A little perseverance overpowers much ignorance.

Based on the now 2 week-old half-eaten burger at one of my stops along my morning commute, I can say that even in outdoor conditions, McDonald's appears to be impervious to the elements, including rain! I also take it as a bad omen that the typically thorough crows won't go near it.

Are you sure Lena Dunham wasn't doing a promo for the Tonight Show? Maybe she's joining the team of Let Us Play With Your Look...

You have struck perfect cinematography gold.

Is it weird that I think he wore Miley Cyrus better than she did?

"I'm the Marcia!"

This factoid is also available in the book "Mismatch: The Lifestyle Diseases Timebomb" by Peter Gluckman. There's a ton of interesting studies in it involving and related to women's health through the ages. I recommend it if you want a fascinating non-fiction read for the summer.