There is no god. We (and when I say “we” I don’t mean myself, but the collective “people”) did this. There is no scenario where this ends well. Ask mid 20th century Germany how it worked out for them.

God doesn’t exists, next question.

Considering Sarah Palin normalized rank stupidity, I’d say there’s (at least) one other prominent dipshit he’s got to apologize for.

Dakota Johnson.

Oooh, I’ll co-sponsor your event, but it has to be on Christmas Day, not Christmas Eve or any other Christmas-adjacent day, because otherwise it’s not really Christmas, and mom would be alone on Christmas if we didn’t have it ON CHRISTMAS DAY.

I am a bit concerned about side effects, such as the sex stuff you mentioned, but it really helps me to hear that even when the first medication wasn’t quite right people did eventually find one that was good for them, so thank you!

For you, being trapped in a hotel in North Dakota during a blizzard in subzero temperatures will be a story you tell for the rest of your life. For midwesterners, it was Tuesday.

I confess I didn’t. I was too horrified about the defacing of the table in the library. I suck at “awareness,” I guess.

I’m sorry, Megyn Kelly told me that Santa is white, because despite the fact that he’s an entirely made up figment of everyone’s imagination, that collective imagination could only possibly have him be white, because white people said so.

Neil, we’d probably end up obliterated either way, but I feel under Clinton we’d at least get a few more years before it happened.

Barack’s pictures with children and his genuine delight interacting with them is one of the 1,000 things I will miss about him.

And now, your Friday feels:

I have solid evidence that chicks love the pussy

I made nothing but “Hamilton” references during a board meeting. For two hours, I was only allowed to speak lines from Hamilton.

I used to put corn starch in my shoes, until I realised I looked like Lindsay Lohan with every step I took.

YAS CLEAN HOUSE!!! I shamelessly miss the style network SO much :(

Yassmin Abdel-Magied’s article was dreadful - and rightly taken apart by the Guardian commentariat! It was criticised by the fabulous Nesrine Malik (also in The Guardian) today, even though she was also highly critical of Shriver.