OBAMA PHONES!!

Confirming my feeling that she isn’t bright enough to dig deeper, past “he says it like it is!”

Does Heigl get paid by the tag? ‘Cause she sure is liberal with them.

Why the fuck is “poised” in quotes there?? That’s some shade in her apology, she had better issue an apology apology stating she didn’t mean to throw “shade” during “holy week.” Fucking moran.

I’ll agree we need to reach out to them. With a fist!

Except for CSI. That’s totally realistic! I mean, to start your shift, survey the crime scene, interview suspects, work in the lab, go back to the crime scene, have sex, run your DNA samples, interrogate suspects, go back the crime scene, head back to the lab, get your DNA results, get your suspect to confess, then…

Jesus, the American people are so fucking stupid. What happens when the barley expands? IT FUCKING EXPANDS, SHARON! [How perfect that her name is Sharon!] Look at it as an electronic pressure cooker and it’s damn simple.

And that w0uld be?? asks this drippy old.

Can you imagine being the deputy that has to protect Dahmer? Put himself between Dahmer and the angry family member?

Yup, totally, especially for “splashy” things like making tomato sauce. Hubbo also wears one when he does the dishes.

And the Dukage (?) of Cambridge was a gift of the Queen. And as you say, likely she’ll bestow such a gift on Harry and Meagan.

Nothing says love like a store-bought angel food cake with tinted canned frosting and corn nuts. That whole episode was bonzo!

Ah, Nike! On the vanguard of inclusive sporting business. Beaten by ... Barbie.

“Also have Ianka and Melania really been killing the style game?”

Well, hello, Mr. Tumnis!

Katherine Heigl’s feet are filthy!

Is it April 1st?? What the fuck? Is Tiffany now mocking general America, those who might drink coffee out of paper cups, eat food (occasionally) on paper plates, and make our dinner out of canned foods? This is horrible.

Any Old who can spell “partyboi” is *ahem* intimate with those of the term.

Um, his Instagram logo totally looks like a uterus and fallopian tubes. Bwa ha ha ha!

WAIT WAIT WAIT So either Harrison Ford is duuuude so wasted or more probably, so old. When he speaks, it’s like Graham messed with the speed and he’s speaking so slowly.