Not long. They're probably fighting a lot already. I give it about another year. Or maybe less.

He's rich, and she's young and flexible. It will inevitably end in a very nasty divorce.

I didn't think it was possible to like Jenny McCarthy less than I did before I read this, but wow. She threw his phone out the window?! How low can you go, Jenny McCarthy? Keep digging! I'm sure you'll get all the way to the bottom soon, you garbage person.

What, no middle name? It can't get any better than Lancelot Q. Supersad.

I was at the butterfly house one time, and a butterfly landed on the ground right next to this little girl. She lifted up her foot and, STOMP! right on the poor butterfly. Her mother looked like she wanted to just sink right down into the ground. I'm sure it happens a lot.

I'm sorry. :-(

Cottage cheese and cashews! Yum!

This is really undignified, but at least he didn't burn the house down trying to light his farts on fire. That would really be embarrassing.

That's ten pounds of smug in a five pound sack right there.

Are the caramel apple empanadas at Taco Bell good? I've been wanting to try them, but Taco Bell is so far away. It might be worth it for caramel apple empanadas.

Other things Taylor Swift doesn't understand:

Ha! So true. This reminds me of the newsletters my mom used to get from this conservative group who was very against any kind of sex or profanity in TV shows. They would watch the TV shows and add up each time they said a naughty word or did something suggestive. I'm sure they didn't enjoy watching those shows even a…

For someone who pretends to be a prude, he's way too interested in what goes on with other people's assholes. Dude, it's none of your business.

I don't understand why anyone would want to eat a meal while they're covered with fish guts. Maybe she's used to the smell, but wouldn't it be unpleasantly slimy? I prefer to be clean when I eat, but maybe I'm just weird.

This is all cute and everything, but it's not going to be so much fun when that girl tries to put on her favorite pair of pajamas and it's all stretched out.

Please don't do that to the penguins. They don't deserve it. She could move to....the moon! Nobody there but the moonmen, and they don't care.

I'm very disappointed that there's not a better picture of the "custom-made princess bed."

Is this one of those things where you have to get completely undressed to use the bathroom? No thanks!

My mom is my roommate now. She's okay. She's quiet and she doesn't eat much.

I'm totally with you on the autoplay videos. So annoying. There are too many ads and they slow things way down. It takes too long to load a page now because of all the ads.