My current apartment is a two bedroom, about 750 square feet, with free parking, free cable, free high speed internet, free laundry, free heat, free water, in the best school district in the city, overlooking a lake. I pay $770 a month.

Just the freeze shot for the video guarantees that I am not going to watch this. I watched a comedone extraction video posted in the comments thread here, and I had never thought of myself as particularly squeamish before, but that video made me realise that I do not have the stomach for this kind of shit at all.

I am allowed to inspect/extract maybe once a month. Under very specific, pre-shower circumstances. Otherwise I have to stare, my desires unfulfilled...

Anyone else here a picker? My fiancee has a spot on his back that always gets a tiny blackhead and I'm the fucking devil with that thing.

I need that sequinned onesie D:

I prefer to enjoy a smidgeon of conversation first, just so I know he's not a Republican or a drug lord or something similarly unpleasant before we grind our (albeit clothed) bits together. A girl's gotta have standards.

THIS WAS THE FIRST FUCKING THING THAT I THOUGHT! GET IT RIGHT DICKBAGS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Try to twist her hips around to face you and dance front to front. FROM THERE THE OPTIONS ARE UNLIMITED! You can make-out with her (tongue on tongue),

Jennifer Nettles in stay by Sugerland.

Could have used more of Sinead's crazy beautiful face and less of Miley's overly makeup-ed face, but it was better than the original Wrecking Ball.

Every time Chris Brown opens his mouth, I want to drive him to the nearest therapist and lock him in the office.

The GOP knows that Ronald Reagan was governor of California, right?

This is wonderful! And I'm totally not crying.

Are togas racist too?

Mike's Hard Lemonade has a creepy fixation on much, much younger women.

Absinthe taught english in eastern europe and got away with all sorts of shit in the early 1990's.

Sorry, but this is way too specific and the tone is way too on point for me to buy this as a hoax.

For the uninitiated Jezzies out there: Bad Dragon

I think it is weird to drop $100-$200 on a blouse when your salary isn't going to be any more than $45k. Tops. They're working beauracracy in small town America. Most blouses are going to be picked up at JC Penney and TJ Maxx.

MEGA DIS.