He’s basically a merman version of Gronk, and thus I love him.

he’s a hot idiot

I had completely forgotten about Ryan Lochte. Jeah! Super excited for Rio now! Jeah Jeah!

Hi, it's @drewmagary_RANT. Feel free to do a twitter-friendly poem of 140 characters or less every Tuesday and post it in the Funbag comments and I'll post it. I'm very lonely.

I’ve composed a poem/insane person rant using all of Drew’s all caps words:

game recognized game. <3

I insulted him to his face at a concert. Really small venue event for charity. You were never more than three people away from the stage. The show started two hours late and after standing outside in stilettos waiting to get in the venue, I was not in the mood. I was standing dead center in front of the stage, being…

Never mind the Diet Coke...why, of all the many delicious forms of distilled spirits in the world, would anyone choose boring-ass tasteless vodka as their favorite? Vodka is the “preferred spirit” of either a) people who don’t drink very often/at all; or b) hardcore alcoholics

“I’ve invented the driest martini ever. I drink straight gin while looking at a picture of the man who invented vermouth.”—B.F. Pierce

“It takes 3 ingredients to make a cocktail, 2 is an emergency” *Peggy, Mad Men

In the checkout, cold things go with other cold things. Boxes go with other boxes. The stuff that can be broken and smushed needs to be bagged last. Whatever embarrassing thing I have to buy is hidden in the middle between the boxes and the milk/juice, so people don’t realize my shame.

It is 1000% a thing, I work at a book publisher and our coloring books are selling RIDONKULOUS numbers. One of our titles has already hit a million+ copies worldwide in the year and a half it’s been out.

Are you related to Gene Parmesan?

Have this problem too. Kid (who is 7) went from watching videos on approved websites (Lego, Nick Jr etc) to basically clicking whatever the next suggested video was in the video viewer.
One thing we did was put the computer in a heavily trafficked area of the house so if the kid stumbles into some bad shit, we’re…

Confession: I like Arby’s. I don’t go there very often (twice in the last three years?) but I do love those curly fries. I also love the Arby’s sauce on my roast beef sandwich. I’m not ashamed of this.

My favorite fast food slogan is and always will be “Rally’s: You Gotta Eat”. It’s like they’re admitting that yeah, it’s not great, but it’s probably not going to kill you, and you have to intake calories to keep living, so why not give it a try sometime maybe if you’re feeling up to it.

You can always recognize a Wire fan

Bunk and McNulty aggree.

Bushmills? That’s protestant whiskey!