Frank Costanza: Let me understand, you got the hen, the chicken and the rooster. The rooster goes with the chicken. So, who's having sex with the hen?

I am 45 and wouldn't be caught dead with my hair like that, thank you very much.

I don't know I feel like condoms are kind of comfortable, it feels snug and cozy while protected. It's as if Jesus himself has his hands on my penis and is right behind me saying "Don't worry I got you bro".

What the hell are you bitching about? Jezebel wrote about it and Gawker's been covering it all day. Shitty flounce. Resubmit and try again.

BYE PHYLICIA.

When my wife was preggo with our first child, her midwife suggested that she eat the placenta and my wife just started laughing. The midwife was like WHAT? IT HAS NUTRIENTS and my wife was like BAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA NOPE YOU EAT IT

Like, eat your placenta but don't be lying about how you can't taste your HUMAN MEAT SMOOTHY because guava.

That's the look of someone who craves human meat.

Aaaand I think we can call this one, albeit a little late. Cyndi Lauper won.

Because the other ways the dog would show she wasn't fine would be through serious injury to her or to the child. The dog could have needed vet care or died, the child could have been bitten or fallen when the dog moved.

Stop making me side with PETA, Sarah Palin. Ugh.

She's gorgeous, but not grasping at youth. She's comfortable with Living Legend status. She isn't desperate to stay relevant. She has nothing to prove. She's fucking Debbie Harry.

A world where people are persuaded to use their words or other actions to settle differences and disputes before resorting to causing physical harm?

He was definitely the creepiest vampire in "Lost Boys."

Filed to: Bullfights

The Aurora shooting is your best argument? The shooter was wearing bullet resistant body armor and shooting in a dark and crowded theater. It being Colorado, I suspect there was at the least one person in that theater with a firearm. But thank God that person was responsible enough to realize that if he started…

I'm not anti-gun. That said, your argument is stupid. Guns are made to kill things. There is literally no other purpose for a gun. Everything else you have listed has a purpose other than death.

The only purpose of guns is to cause harm. This is not true of pools or cars so that really doesn't hold up as an argument no matter how often it is trotted out.

Thats... Thats not how physics works...