My problem with voicemail is that even though it's 2014, the system still seems like it's from 1974. "Please enter your pass.. word.. then press... pound. You have one... new... voice... message. ... ... First voice... message..." Why do I need to enter a password? It's my own frigging phone. You…

Spoken by somebody who's never lived in an older home. Plus, does lawn work not count as home maintenance?

Oh, so that cum comes out of their bodies and magically falls into a woman's vagina. Right, pregnancy is all a MAN'S fault. lol

"Desperate measure?" Wouldn't it be easier to, oh I don't know, not let men cum in you?

Two runs in and he's already got the race car driver excuses going.

Ford Taurus SHO. Five speed manual, 7,000 RPM Yamaha V6 with 220 horsepower. That was pretty impressive stuff in 1989. Consider that a 1989 Corvette only had 240.

Ah, the infamously pointless specific output figure. It seems like only yesterday it was the early 2000s and Honda boys could not stop talking about "hp/l yo!"

Instagram makes you a professional pphotographer, didn't you get the memo?

Really have to wonder how NOBODY at any point said "Look man... trim that ridiculous friggin thing off" before they got to that point.

Ladies, sucks to be you. However, men? WTF is your excuse? The "Three Ss" are shit, shower, and shave, and they're in that order for very good reason. What the hell is with these stories of people that suddenly and randomly need to take shits? That's disgusting. How can you walk around with shit residue on your…

Why is the steering wheel on the right side of the car? China drives on the same side as the US does.

So instead of complaining about it, why not just... not go to so many damn weddings?

Good for them for calling a freak a freak. You want to walk around in makeup and women's clothes, go ahead. But you're going to be treated like the weirdo you are.

I have no idea. Just kind of always knew. Grew up using them and never wondered why people make such a fuss over it.

45 down to 38? I'd expect them to buy the damn thing back after THAT kind of bullshit claim.

Doesn't the damn thing say right on it not to carry it around?

Just put the cap against the edge of a square wooden surface and pull. It's a beer bottle, not Fort Knox.

When you do take a trip to the beach, try not to act like a total jackass and remember that people actually live there. Thanks.

This article complains about sexism towards women while claiming that excessive drinking is a male activity, which is ironically sexist towards MEN.

You can take that up with the FIA then, because they certainly seem to agree with me.