WHEN HARRY MET SALLY IS REAL, I TELL YOU!

That is the saddest thing I have heard in a long while. Dear Lord.

damn, there’s so many layers to that shit sandwich. i hope you gave him this look:

What candida-filled cooze. I hope your dad had an affair.

I once got hit on by a nerdy guy who told me that in the Middle Ages, wide-set teeth were seen as a sign of a lascivious nature. I responded with “Yeah, that’s in the Prologue to the Canterbury Tales, isn’t it?” And he mumbled something and moved away. Apparently, he hadn’t actually read the source material and it put…

My mother tells me this EVERY. DAMN. TIME. she sees me.

In the Renaissance gallery museum in HS, my (dancer) friend says, “You know, you would have been a total babe in the 16th century.”

Next time he says that, say: “And the first thing she noticed was your insecurity.” Then nod and look at his dick.

I was wearing jeans, a top and my boobs. SLUTWHORE.

He deserved that and so much more. Grade ‘A’ Turd Furgeson.

“...do you also like a bit of fist in your face? ugh”, pick up drink, turn and leave.

This is the first thing that came to my mind after reading your story. 24:24 if it doesn’t load properly.

I was once teetering home in my early 20’s with a buddy after a semi boring night of drinking and dancing at pubs in a cheesy suburb (think Strong Island meets the Jersey Shore) when a Joey-Bag-a-Donuts starts calling out to my friend and I. He was showing off for his friends and trying to imply that he knew us,…

Every now and then guys will ask me if these are my “real eyes.” I’m pretty sure they’re asking if they’re colored contacts, like you said, but I’ve gotten to the point where I always reply, “No, I carved them out of a dead hobo’s skull.” It’s just confusing and off-putting enough to make them leave me alone.

A few years ago, at a bar in London: Minding my own business and trying to get a drink, when a guy sidles up next to me and starts telling me about how he went to went to boarding school in Geneva and is a banker at Goldman Sachs, etc. He then - UNSOLICITED - leans over, puts his arm around my waist, PINCHES ME, and…

I feel like there should be an award given out annually to whoever does the best job of kicking this guy in the nuts.

OMG I forgot my great-great-uncle in his kilt.

Dad at 16 and Grandpa Yevgeny (mom’s dad) probably at some ridiculously young age.