“I would totally hit that child.”

Hot Take: I DO NOT LIKE HIS BAT FLIP FORM. Distance is good, Fucks Given is clearly zero, but the flip just seems like a lazy extension of his swing. In contrast, last season’s flip from Joey Bats was purposeful, calculated and epic. I need more showmanship and care, more punctuation on it.

Ah, the A.J. Daulerio approach to life.

That’s gotta feel like a sucker punch to the face.

How often do mainstream sites like ESPN try to poach the Deadspin talent? Or has working for an EAST COAST LIBERAL ELITE SNARK BLOG made everyone unfuckable?

Alex Zanardi. Yeah, those are hunks of his legs flying through the air.

Why are you guys yelling so much? Yes, I’m an old man.

You really need to read the rest of the piece to grasp why that was always destined to be short lived. It makes it VERY clear that RGIII lacks a lot of the fundamentals a pro QB needs to be successful - no drop back rhythm, throwing mechanics that mess up the rhythm, inability to identify blitzes, inability to…

Way to go to a website that reports on auto racing news when you’re trying to avoid auto racing news, ya clown.

Would you go to ESPN if you were DVRing a playoff basketball or hockey game right now? No? Cool.

Who cares.

My biggest takeaway is that Jeff Moss is a narc ass narc.

There’s a theory that Rita is a former Green Ranger and her outfit is just the tattered remnants of her Ranger costume.

My favorite part about all of this is the chorus of people saying, “I’VE ALWAYS BEEN A HOCKEY FAN WHERE’S MY JERSEY WHERE’S MY SPECIAL TREATMENT!?” Can’t let someone else live and have some fun. #hatehatehatehatehate

It’s part of his sick Cynthia thing, man. Taking care of her fucking dog. Going to her fucking synagogue. He’s living in the fucking past.

The Hillary one is true, though. *DUCKS*

I can hear Ian Darke’s voice now. “OH WHAT A CRACKER FROM PULLSIC!”

I will not develop overblown expectations I will not develop overblown expectations I will not develop overblown expectations I will not develop overblown expectations I will not develop overblown expectations I will not develop overblown expectations

Sean was literally half the reason why I even visit Jalopnik anymore. Looks like he got unceremoniously dumped on his ass, which sounds about right for anyone let go at Gawker.