You're not the only person forcing me to look at reality tonight, but thank you. Ugh.
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Yep. I've known him to be in one serious relationship in 14 years of friendship-every other woman was a casual hook-up role, and I liked not being that, and being in a different position. I didn't lay out the whole conversation here, for a lot of reasons, but it's just a messed up and messy deal. My own self-esteem…

Considering my earlier point re:his success rate. I'm outside his usual type (skinny sorority blonds), I've turned down the opportunity to ride his train many times, and I previously laid out the reasons why. It is probably exactly why I'm still on his radar.

$ will not be an issue, although MrBuckeye manages our finances (I make most of the money, but I'm kind of an idiot savant-money management is not my thing.) But I talked to him a bit tonight, without specifics, but that I was having trouble feeling content in my
life, which is my nature anyways, always looking for the…

Eh, acting on feelings or sharing them with my better half. Neither of which I intend to do after today's session. Therapy for me is looking like step 1.

Nope. See above re: screwing his way through college, mostly off. I wasn't willing to be another notch in his belt-or have him be one in mine, and he could never get it together enough for me to trust him like that. (Don't get me wrong, I had sex before MrBuckeye. I was intimidated as hell by this guy's....experience…

Thank you. Control of my feelings might be debatable, but I certainly take responsibility for allowing him in my personal space again.

Thank you.

But how do you get permanently black? That's the mystery.

Aha. Other than the fact I never slept with dude, mainly because he was so inconsistent, this is a pretty solid assessment.

Thank you. Painful, but honest, and frankly, what I need.

Nope, effort was about in line with his usual behavior-expected to snap his fingers and I would fall in line. I reminded him about the ultimatum, and blew him off. Reasoning was probably a mix of standing my ground and really enjoying being in a stable, loving relationship where I was the first priority. The feelings…

Can I just say, you guys are all the fucking best?!? I feel a lot better right now than I did a few hours ago. So much good advice and listening piled into an internet commentary.

Part of my challenge is absolutely the stable vs intoxicating. Granted, the guy is now much older, much smarter, and seems to have his shit together, but the feelings for the two are so different. My stomach twitches around him, my hands shake, and for years, I could barely speak unless he was dating someone else-if…

Another excellent piece of advice, and one I wondered about. Never been therapy before, but I'm giving it some thought after this.

No, he has grown up a lot. And.... I don't know. I tend to put the best face on for everyone out of pride, so admitting that things aren't perfect is fucking HARD. Even to myself.

Thank you. This is solid advice, because it was Thursday. I'm back home, and having trouble getting my head back in the rhythm of our home life.

And that's where I am struggling....I don't want him out. I miss him. Still feel the same as I did the day laid down the ultimatum.

To be clear, this guy and I have been friends for 14 years. Even off or before he ever kissed me the first time, we were confidantes and buds.

We-ll, so once upon a time I was very much head over heels for a guy. It went off and on for years(mostly off, he was busy screwing his way through our college then his local bar scene). I finally gave him an ultimatum that I wanted to finally settle this once and for all as I was ready to figure out the marriage and…