Some unprotected sex with Adrian Peterson would probably help Susan chill out.

Oh my God, that's the guy! That's the guy who stole all my credit cards.

looking like two principal cast members in the next Ocean's Eleven movie

As a Red Sox fan, I feel secure in knowing that all of us will make your lives insufferable if Boston wins.

I always sit to pee. My neighbor's sink is just too comfortable not to.

That's so gross. Why would anyone watch the Revolution play?

I want to be a muscle-bound Cuban when I grow up.