The footage is being held by an impenetrable chastity belt.

Trust me, we'd all be happy to see Ray Lewis drop dead on Sunday.

+1

He should just start his own magazine featuring a new prayer shot every month.

He will conduct full interviews in the nude.

Hey, I'm as big a WNBA fan as anybody out there, but do we really need an entire website dedicated to the Seattle Storm?

+1

The Nats should've waited until the cancellation of 1600 Penn. Bill Pullman would've been a shoo-in!

Be sure to tune in next week to see Mike Piazza offer Holmes some crank. I'm told the ensuing mix-up will offer much hilarity.

+1

+1

The "suck for a few years" strategy is also a favorite scam of black holes who wish to retire early on disability.

Goodman's husband really should've seen this coming. In her playing days, Lois was known as a master of the drop shot.

When reached for comment on Duke's good news, former Blue Devils player Cherokee Parks was quoted as saying, "Can I wash your car this dirty rag?"

You can read more about this in Donald Fehr's new book, Wait a Minute, I'll Throw in the Kitchen Sink Too: The Art of Negotiating.

I kind of understand this. After all, Jets GM Mike Tannenbaum is a big Shakespeare fan. In fact, he has a plaque inscribed with the words "Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of bumblefuckery."

+1

Marty* is a legend. End of story.

The couple is registered at "Please, Not in the Face!"

Have you verified this? It's now being reported that's not the guy.