Hey, friends. Can we please cut Doug some slack? It's one thing to address issues when they come up in his articles, but let's stop nitpicking every single thing he says or does. It's starting to become mean-spirited up in here and it's hurting my heart.

She was three. Why was she getting root canals on temporary teeth?

Given the way penguins store food and hold eggs on their feet, can they just act as their own U-hauls after the second date?

You're so RIGHT. Sex and asses is the LCD and bears no resemblance to real art.

I want to be his freaky deaky Khaleesi

The transformation is complete, young Bieber is worthy of the iron throne.

I'm interested in the one that says "Mao Tse Tung (Mao Zedong)." It seems weirdly specific or like the person is in a history class right now..

Every time I hear about "Sound of Music Live! on NBC," I have to remind myself that it's a real thing that happened and not just a 30 Rock joke.

We could do the same thing for men:

Poop Sandwich *

On a similar topic:
Testicles look like after god was done making people, (s)/he had some extra elbow skin and ovaries left over and thought to himself, "Hmmmm...'testicles'? WHY THE FUCK NOT"??.

Aaaaaaah this might just topple my former favourite DJ Detweiler effort, Higehr Gruond.

I just spewed hot chocolate on the monitor.

THIS IS GREAT NEWS FOR ME.

Did a guy create this graphic? Because the seat's up, and our poor girl up there has enough problems, man.

"Today is my last day so bye, guys! It's been the rillest."

Sleepless In Austin, by Dr Seuss:

I will not date her if she's black,

I like a girl that likes Random capitalization. If she does not randomly Capitalize, it is not a deal breaker, but my ex girlfriend of Eleven years liked it.

I travel for work a lot and here is my prescription. I do take Xanax at the beginning of the flight, but you can follow my guide sans Xanax and have similar results — it's a new addition to the plan.