I use dairy in all sorts of cooking with meat. I feel like that is a weird thing to not understand!

Besides, if you are at a kosher deli, why are you not eating all the matzoh ball soup you can consume?

Kids, even older than toddlers, are also so bad at looking where they're going. I'm fairly tall and when doing speed shopping at Target have totally plowed into young kids who just run around without looking. If I'm looking up at that laundry detergent I came for, or whatever, someone knee-height doesn't have a…

United in partnered grossness! I mean, my husband doesn't really hold anything back either. I find him with his hand down his pants several times a day. Apparently, he "just likes to touch it." We tell each other about our poop.

I'm married but I took today off work and my husband is traveling, so it was pretend single day. Slept in, masturbated, played silly computer games, cooked new recipes, and after the gym I just took a bath with bath bombs while wearing a face mask, drinking hard cider, eating cheese and pretzels, and watching Doctor…

I am such a boob-holder. I have caught myself doing at work when I'm thinking and that is not good.

My husband has been gone the past two weekends in a row and I have been queen of the house. I tend to clean aggressively, make lots of food, watch dumb TV, and definitely enjoy the gay porn. Gay porn is best.

My husband and I both have offices, separate from the bedroom, and mine has a futon. On weekends when we are sleeping in I get up early, feed the cats, and go back to sleep on the futon. It's mostly for his sake but honestly, I sleep great there.

This is so understandable. I usually only eat Little Debbie snacks in deconstructed components. If I am left to my own devices I will arrange Skittles by color and make sure to get at least three individual Skittles, all a different color, in each mouthful.

I have been caught singing "the asparagus song" by my husband and I have no shame. I like asparagus enough to sing about it. (This song is interchangeable with "the avocado song." Both only have one word.)

I am obsessed with looking at my Biore Pore Strips results. I am thinking about using some tonight.

In all honesty, I do all of those things and I'm married. My husband kind of wishes I would fart less but like, shut up husband, my bowels need to breathe.

I flat out refused to host anyone in our house. We got married at a venue within a mile of our house, so we went back home that night. I was not bringing back a bunch of guests and family members on my wedding night, even if we did live together for ages before hand and didn't have wedding night sex. My husband was…

I love the idea of people sending their own stationary, but really, I DO think most of the people were raised by wolves, it was so hard to get responses with actual RSVP cards included. I got one card back with no name, one with no box checked for yes or no, and one with the person's legal name, which is not what he…

I had to stick extra stamps on my invitations at the last minute because the first postal worker was somehow wrong. I had very nice wedding stamps that matched the envelopes ... and then another butterfly stamp next to it on most of them. Oh well!

I think they are intensely rude but also gave out one late invitation once it became clear that my friends actually hate me and were not coming. One of my few regrets is that I invited a good number of people I thought I had been close with (college friends) who ended up not coming, instead of inviting awesome local…

We used Google Docs aggressively for wedding planning, which worked great except for my in-laws' total confusion about how they worked. They kept asking us to send them the updated list and my husband would be like I SENT YOU THE LINK IT IS THE SAME DOCUMENT AS LAST TIME. And then we would have to sit down with his…

We had a wedding website full of useful info which I had to verbally tell my mother so she could verbally convey it to the army of relatives who have no idea how to turn on a computer. I expected it but was still irrationally annoyed. My parents and grandparents still got horrifically lost on the way to my in-laws'…

Almost none of my father's family bothered to reply. It was particularly irritating because I invited most of them out of a sense of obligation and to avoid future disasters when they were mad about being excluded. Since they're mostly assholes it wasn't a big loss. One person told my mother on facebook that she…

My in-laws tried to establish a "no plus ones unless they have been together for a year" rule and I refused it. I offered plus ones on a totally discriminatory basis, but generally if they had a significant other I found out the name and included it. Ironically, my brother-in-law started dating someone and they…