I'm not very good at it. I usually have to try three or four times because the first tries will be lopsided or weirdly lumpy. Or you might have a cowlick along your hairline that prevents it; my cowlick means I can only part on one side!

THIS is why I never switch grocery stores once I get accustomed to one. I need to know exactly where everything is. My old Acme once changed thing around and for WEEKS I'd see irritated women looking around. They'd catch my eye and we'd both say in unison, Where the hell is the bread now??

I have actually tried to get that Gibson Girl pompadour/roll for costuming and shit is hard! You have to do all kinds of backcombing and use hair rats and all that.

I still wear scrunchies, too — but only small discreet black ones, and only around the house. They cause less damage on wet hair!

Right? It's hard for me to remember that 2008 was four years ago and hence possibly out of style. I think this is what happens to old people: their fashion time lag just increases year by year until they just stop incorporating new styles for the last twenty years of their lives. Just because they don't remember that…

I'm glad you move quick. (I'm assuming you're a guy.) I'm a woman, and I shop for the family (because I like it and am good at it and I like to control the food purchases). I go at 8 am Sat morning, bc the store is empty, and my two biggest pet peeves are: 1. Middle-aged men who have been clearly sent out by their…

Serious question: is the little bang-pouf (see 2008) out of style now? Like, criminally out of style, or just no longer super stylish but still passable on moms in their 30s who aren't expected to be particularly hip? It really flatters my face better than a straight-back ponytail; my face shape just needs a little…

They should market it to men that way. Instead of showing women reclining on the couch having orgasms while they slowly spoon up their yogurt, show a man eating his yogurt in six seconds and point out how efficient it is. "Why are YOU still wasting two minutes eating your snack?"

Yeah, he tends to get tummy problems so he likes it for that too!

I have no idea. I (a woman) rarely eat yogurt, and Mr L has eaten one every single day for probably six years. The marketing is not working as planned!

How sad is it that the only criteria for whether women's bodies are "good" is whether or not they are very thin? We want Olympians to BE strong, competitive, competent, fast, powerful, etc, but only if they LOOK thin, fragile, delicate, or as if they work out but don't also eat. Therefore, thin, fragile, delicate is…

Totally. Little kids go through phases of being Mommy- or Daddy-centric and they will constantly wail if that person is gone for even an hour. Very soul crushing to be the "wrong" parent at that time. They get over it.

Oh yes, the game of "Who has a penis?" Endless fun. :) My sister says her little girls will stare in amazement while she puts in a tampon, and bend over and crane their necks to try to see where it went. I'm not a terribly dignified or modest person, but I think I will start enforcing the concept of bathroom privacy!

Some dogs will eat anything. It reminds me of one of David Sedaris' great bits about his brother:

"Genitals" is actually a very useful word. My son uses "penis" correctly but I also casually refer to his "junk" ("Keep your hands off your junk, please!"). Genitals would probably be better there. :)

We had to seal up our used pads for a different reason: we had one of those dogs who will rabidly chew all the blood out of a used pad and leave the tattered cotton remains all over the front lawn.

My dad was once giving a bath to his two granddaughters (ages 3 and 5). The older one, who is very detail-oriented, said "Grandpa, don't forget not to use soap on my vagina or I'll get a rash." My dad was so. embarrassed. Somehow a little girl using the correct word was more upsetting to him than the fact that she has…

FWIW, only my more attractive friends worry about aging and looking old. The rest of us uggos are used to feeling unattractive and aren't so gutted by the thought. Interestingly, it seems to be worse for people who actually make good efforts (as you do) to look good. Kind of sad to think that it doesn't help your…

I've had to google it like three times because I'm not cool and also old enough to have memory problems, evidently.

I don't know, but you know the scene in Empire Strikes Back, I think, where Vader is sitting is this weird kind of pod thing and you see his helmet being fitted onto his bare head with a sort of suctiony sound? Anyway, when we were trying to potty-train the little guy, we told him that was Darth Vader's bathroom and…