Also I respect how Kristen is SUPER “yeah if your kids aren’t vaccinated stay the fuck away from us kthnxbai” she does not mince words on it.
You have an odd child. In the best possible way.
Ugh, Ariel Winters. What is that shit even? I get you want to be half naked because female empowerment or something, but at least be creative. That’s lazy and it doesn’t even make sense.
Is this where I can show off my daughter who did a mashup this year of her two favorite things: Draco and Corn. Comin at ya: DraCorn Malfoy.
Keep trying Jezebel, I’m not going to hate Kristen Bell, and don’t know why you think I should.
Gabrielle Union and D-Wade as Milli Vanilli
Okay, who the fuck is Cardi B, and why does she have to wake up every day and remind herself that she deserves to be a Disney villain?
“I have lots of pie recipes and pictures of pie and I picked some berries, made a pie crust, made a berry pie, cut the berry pie, somehow the pie got eaten, and I broke all the dishes and then threw them in the ocean. I don’t know who the fuck ate that pie, though.”
I am a frequent sleep paralysis haver, and I gotta say, it has really ruined a lot of these stories for me. I read them and it’s like, “Yup, classic sleep paralysis.” Sleep paralysis is scary, for sure, but it’s not supernatural and I like my ghost stories to have ghosts in them! Harumph.
Wow! I would have never pegged my story for one of the best, but thank you so much capturing my traumatic experience so perfectly! I seriously can’t believe you did this!
Better?
Zach Miller: [wakes up in hospital after surgery]
Who uses in-store lipstick samples on their lips?! Who are the people doing this?!!! That is so gross on so many levels and that is an appropriate natural human response because...this woman got the herps.
Right, but the question is can I sue my mother for giving me cold sores when I was a toddler?
between Sephora and Usher, herpes is having a real break out moment.
DO NOT EVER PUT TESTER MAKEUP ON YOUR FACE!!! Jesus, we need a sign for this now???
I think it’s much more likely he will be encouraged to flip for a more lenient sentence, so we can get at some bigger, juicier, oranger fish.
I’d like Mueller to go to Jared.
