Figures it's a Jew who wants all the money.

An interesting pick for the final. I would have expected Bigfnjewishdick to get burned by Germany.

I was Philip D. Bag, a costumed character that taught children the importance of recycling paper. I found this gig on Craigslist. That's me in the picture.

Were Neanderthals afraid of eating the offspring of crossbred plants because they weren't natural?

Let's zoom in on that patch:

God damn, their marketing team knows what they're doing.

Dijon Mustard?! Why don't you just curse God and your family while you're at it? ;)

If he wanted to have sex with a woman as unresponsive as a corpse why didn't he just get married?

I do not understand why people love this piece of shit place so hard.

I tried Fortune the other day & I swear it tasted just like a Steel Reserve (don't pretend you haven't tried it). They just brewed a strong ice beer and tried to see if we were dumb enough to think the bitterness was desirable. I'm sure hipsters would if it was brewed in a small enough room with a paper label.

Busch Light is a great beer to drink about 15 of while you are fishing. Something about worms, dirt and walleye slime seem to go really well with it. I wish I was kidding.

THAT'S why it's blue...

Is not having a smartphone the new I don't own a TV?

I used to chew my toenails, too, until I got older and lost the flexibility to reach them. Some days I think about starting a stretching routine just so I can reach my little piggies again. Still chew my fingernails - I don't really see a problem with it aside from the fact that I have gross fingernails in my mouth.…