DYING.

Anytime some strange doofus touches me, I clap their ears and punch them in the throat. I live in a bad neighborhood and this shit happens daily. Walking home from work is like a damn video game. I would not recommend my school of response, because it’s a good way to get killed but fuck I am too sassy to care.

It is very hard for a regular ass girl to be believed, also it is very hard for a regular ass wife, a regular ass daughter, a regular ass girlfriend, a regular ass grandma, curiously, men who are arses are well believed.

I want to tell her to calm down but then I think about the seething existential rage I experience at people that walk three wide in hallways and amble, or left lane hogs, or people that take too long to use the sugar/cream station at Starbucks, or people that forgot the form at the Post Office, or try and get on the…

Grocery stores are a goddamn nightmare.

I should wear hats to the grocery more often.

When I was kid, we had the same problem with 911 calling the house saying there was a call and hangup. It was always preceded by the phone ringing, someone picking up, and hearing a quick hangup.

“Jane was living on a farm in very rural Appalachia”

FUCK YOU!!!FUCK YOU!!!FUCK YOU!!!FUCK YOU!!!FUCK YOU!!!FUCK YOU!!!FUCK YOU!!!FUCK YOU!!!FUCK YOU!!!FUCK YOU!!!FUCK YOU!!!FUCK YOU!!!FUCK YOU!!!FUCK YOU!!!FUCK YOU!!!FUCK YOU!!!FUCK YOU!!!FUCK YOU!!!FUCK YOU!!!FUCK YOU!!!FUCK YOU!!!FUCK YOU!!!FUCK YOU!!!FUCK YOU!!!FUCK YOU!!!FUCK YOU!!!FUCK YOU!!!FUCK YOU!!!FUCK…

Am I allowed to have a second submission? This story was relayed to me by one of my best friends. Back in the late 70s, my friend’s mom was a student at UNC. She had a car on campus, and went home on the weekends fairly regularly. She lived in the country, so when she went home, her route was often unmarked pavements…

Thanks for picking my story!

Ah man I cant believe I missed the window to submit. Honestly I look forward to this every year. Might as well write mine here in case anyone wants additional reading.

I enjoyed that probably more than I should have.

this girl’s linking to breitbart like it’s real

That’s what they call sex.

I want to see her karaoke a duet of “Stand By Your Man” with Camille Cosby.

She’s white. She is not a WOC. Her Daddy is Armenian and her Mama is a white woman. She’s white. As much as she profits off of black features and culture, she is lily white. She just has a good tan.

Janet Jackson comes to mind. She was bigger than Lady Gaga and totally lost her career because Justin Timberlake ripped her bra off and her nipple was exposed for a split second. She was branded a trashy whore who was ruining America’s values for doing nothing but getting accidentally exposed, but Justin Timberlake,…

I can’t even count how many comments I’ve read from guys saying that everyone talks about sex and that even women enjoy talking about it. It legit scares me that the concept of consent still flies over men’s heads. What Trump was describing was not consensual.

“We’re almost to November, folks. Almost.”