Dogs like loud encouraging voices.

Jesus H. Chris, pluquaa. I'm just trying to decide if you were drunk when you left this comment or not drunk enough.

Yeah, that's why I pointed that out in my article which I hope you read all the way through because I view it as a sign of how much you love me AND I WOULD BE DEAD WITHOUT YOUR LOVE AND VALIDATION. YOU GUYS HAVE NO IDEA.

It's now more than three weeks since I've heard from my boyfriend of eleven months. I'm going to send him this. But I'll probably add a little profanity.

Well, little girl or freshman at Arizona State.

Kanye, where are your pants!?

Don't worry. Kim took him out for ice cream afterward.

grass-fed ghee.

This crazy contraption may be one of the coolest things I've seen since the LEGO movie! Amazing!! I have to have one. It will be my housewarming gift to myself.

Uh... this is a thing? We've always just, you know, spread the butter. Often, we've used one of these:http://www.butterbell.com/how-to-use-but…

I want this as an engagement ring.

From the side that looks like a diamond pile of poop.

NOOO! Angie's is the worst celeb engagement ring ever. Brad should NOT be designing engagement rings. See also: the one he gave to Jen

No, strangely enough there are other valid reasons why your food may be delayed. It happened to me last Thursday.

The more pleasant guests are, the more servers and chefs tend to bend over backwards to fix things when they fuck up. You don't seem very pleasant. And I've never seen anyone in the industry act even remotely as ridiculously as Gordon Ramsey. Hate to burst your bubble of imagining everyone being called terrible names…

Just do a trail-run of Sikhism and wear a turban.

I can see karate guy's butt up there.