Fossil!!!

Stay strong! My parents graciously offered to have my 18 month old monster overnight last night because I needed a damn break. She’s always an angel for them. We get home? Immediate tantrums until bedtime. UGH.

PAM. BONDI. I guess if you out can be bought once...

My husband and I spent the first 6 years of our marriage renovating a house (there’s a marriage test!) but I couldn’t really “decorate” around the construction mess and because we were spending cash on like building material. But we got a great return on our investment and I can finally decorate our new house! Anyway,…

That article MADE MY DAY. He’s been mailing torn magazine pages of his hands circled in gold sharpie for YEARS! I’m dead.

On snapchat she said “you’ve got to see my Instagram posts, they’re hilarious”. It was a joke. I follow the Karsashians too much maybe.

He has had epilepsy since childhood. But the lean doesn’t help! Alcohol consumption in general can exacerbate seizures in people with epilepsy.

Nebraska resident here! This has been in the news for a little while so I’ve thought about it a bit. I’m no fan of Kitner, but I feel like the backlash he’s facing will prevent future scammed idiots from coming forward. And he is FOR SURE an idiot but this is a scam because it works. How can firing him help stop that?…

Most celebrities don’t go on GMA and break windows and trash the green room. We’d probably hear about it.

Brilliant!! We just have one little girl right now (with no plans to change that!) so we just have princess shirts that either didn’t get worn or went to the “daycare extra outfit” pile. Although that plan backfired. When she was little she came home in her backup clothes more often than the outfit I sent her in.

How would they organize the “daddy’s princess” and “mom’s tough dude” shirts? When we told my MIL to quit buying that crap she was so offended!

Whenever I put my toddler in slightly less gender specific clothes she ALWAYS gets called a boy in public. Always. Ugh.

Railroad ties and treated pallets!!!!

This is so disgusting. Really. I can’t believe how ANYONE could think Hillary is more corrupt. My (republican) friend is convinced she should be locked up in jail (“my friend with security clearance would be in jail if they did what she’s done!!!”) but ffs. He just suggested someone MURDER his opponent!!!!

Granted, I’m practically an elderly woman at this point, but, six years ago we had ‘You are the best thing’ as our first dance song and in my little corner of the Midwest, I’ve never heard it at a wedding since. I thought I was so unique! Time to contemplate my life via the bottom of my wine glass.

WHAT HAVE I DONE TO MY BABY?!?

Freeze your flour and cake mixes for a couple days after purchase. No more (alive) weevils!

I had a much harder time turning 25. I just turned 30 last week and I was very “eh, nbd” but at 25 I didn’t know what I wanted or where the next 5 years would take me. So I think it’s more about where you are in life when milestone birthdays hit.

Did anyone see Maya Rudolf’s impression of Dilma on the season finale of SNL? Did the segment writers just have NO CLUE what was really going on in that country?? She was portrayed as fairly corrupt in that bit. Comedy skits are how I prefer to stay up to date on world news ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Mortified? I’d just be divorced