So... it’s like, they’re right? There *are* special dangers awaiting them? Thank God I’m not afraid of spiders.

popular chain restaurant that rhymes with “Crapplebees.” (Editor’s Note: Oh for fuck’s sake)

NOTE: all babies look the same.

There’s no way a man should be able to run a country. They can’t even control themselves when young girls wear shorts or spaghetti straps.

As a man, I feel I need to say the following:

Dear Allen:

I think we all know who should have sung at the wedding.

Ok, so one time, my sexytimes partner and I went out to a sandwich place. We both got grilled cheese and tomato soup. Our food comes out, and I dip my sandwich into the tomato soup LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN. He looks at me like I’m the insane one and asks what the hell I’m doing. I say “that’s why grilled cheese is served…

Team Cheers will whoop Team Family Ties.

The moment a Christian is refused service, goods, housing, a loan or employment is the day Indiana gives this law the scrutiny it deserves. Troll them, Wiccans. Troll them hard.

LALALALALALALA CANT HEAR YOU :)

I love this movie but I love Beerfest even more

Yes. I can quote pretty much the entire thing. My sister and I annoyed basically everyone who came within 50 feet of us for several years doing that. The number of times I've told someone I don't want a large Farva is in the hundreds.

Mine hates that I am not a morning person. He's constantly trying to game my system, and offering to bring me coffee first thing, or get an electric blanket so I wake up warm, or start playing music to wake me up, or...

My brother's. Hoooo-boy.

Nothing says "our love is eternal" like getting married in a place that constantly smells like stale beer!

My only thought.

You look too good to be at work

Assholes like this just make me so goddamned tired. If you don't like abortion, don't get one! I know you "pro-lifers" (looooolz) hate the fact that abortion gives women control over their lives, their careers, and their sexuality, but ffs—enough is enough. I hate that I'm too tired of stories like this to even be…