Me too! In high school, I would watch my gym teacher and only run while she was looking, then the moment she looked away, I’d stop. I failed the mile fitness test every year. Now, 10 years later and 20 lbs heavier, I’m gearing up for my 2nd half marathon. Fitness =/= size. (even though losing the weight is my overall…

The analogy could account for that with the glue! The last paper towel to come off the roll is usually glued on and takes some extra tugging to pull off.

Same! As soon as the “back-to-school” sales started, I went and got my coats dry-cleaned and ordered a new pair of Sorels!

That’s so funny! I have the opposite problem— prominent eyes that make everything look dramatic/deranged. I tried a “smokey” look that called for matte, black eyeshadow on the upper lid to crease. I looked like a panda. Makeup tutorials were never meant for this much visible eyelid space.

Halloween 2013: Comic book Superman and Lois Lane! (added dots are very time consuming!— cartoon boobs are SO worth it!)

I was a dumb kid too! When I was 14 or so, I was given $10 and tasked with buying ice cream from Thrifty's for a cousin's birthday party. I completely forgot that freezer gallons of ice cream existed, so I went right up to the Thrifty's ice cream counter and bought 2 hand-packed PINTS of ice cream, which was not a…

When I was much younger and stupider, I ran into my ex of about a year at our fraternity house during a homecoming visit to our alma mater. He took me aside to angrily demand that I stay away from his fraternity (which was my fraternity too), his friends (who were my friends first), and his family (who were my…

It's very moving when these elite runners do it, but I recently saw a woman collapse a few yards short of the finish line at a *half* marathon (definitely not a real athlete). She looked BAD— her eyes were rolling loose in their sockets, she couldn't move at all— and all the idiots around me were shouting at her to:…

Ross was insufferable in every way.

Ignoring is the only way! My (dreamily wonderful in every other way) husband, unfortunately, was spoiled by a very, very self-sacrificing stay-at-home mom. So, for the first 26 years of his life, he learned to ask "where's my this?" *before* looking. After wasting so much of my precious time finding things he hadn't…

Don't tease!

Me too! So angry. That story legit ruined my day.

Whenever I try to sweep up the mess of torn up chew toys my Jack-a-poo Scallywag leaves all over the floor, I'm pretty sure he's mentally yelling at me: YOU'RE RUINING IT!!! MOOOOOOMMMMMM!! YOU'RE RUUUUUININGGGG ITTTTT!!!"

Thank you for this whole thread! I'm a newlywed who doesn't feel "wildly" attracted to KnightErrant (even though I had some wild attractions that were also shitshow relationships or unrequited crushes in the past) and was getting very nervous about my totally mellow choice of forever-relationship. This morning I…

I'm sure you are not terrible! You deserve a little karmic relief.

Some of us will never forget. :( It was suuuuper easy to clean up, though! It scooped up like a soft loaf of pate. Didn't even penetrate the carpet! ;P Good luck getting that image out of your head!

New Year's Eve has it out for me. The stories... but it's usually crap happening to me. The second worst ever was when I flew out to London on NYE morning and during the flight came down with the worst flu of my life and pinkeye in BOTH eyes. I slept all day until my roommates dragged me out to see the fireworks on…

My dog's names include Silly Wiggles, Skillet, Home Skillet, Skilly Wigglet, Wagglet, Wiggy Wag, Wickedy Wack, Silly Wag, Scally, Skilly, Pup Pup, Handsome, Merv the Perv, Baby, Little One, Dittle One, Diddle Diddle, Scally Claus and — his real name — Scallywag. And people thought his given name was too long! Too bad…

I think we will! He just learned that he has NYE off of work (which he doesn't usually!), so we're trying to make some last minute plans.

I know how he feels— terrible! But he really was in the wrong yesterday. Basically, he was blowing up at his mom about how she should make an effort to stop her middle son from blowing up at her. :/ Irony of ironies!