My Barbie, Shaving Ken, and regular Ken were in a torrid love triangle. Barbie was always leaving regular Ken to go glob-trotting (make out with various autobots.) Shaving Ken would then pick up the pieces of regular Ken's heart and they'd buy a home by the ocean (space under the diving board) and be so happy…

God I am so happy Anna Faris did that, too....

I feel so much better about my childhood now.

Oh Bonnie McKee...bless her heart.

Good for you, ladies. Anyone ever read Lysistrata? I love that damn play.

...I have no idea, I've been in my bunk...

I'm confused. I can't see what Hugh is looking at in either picture.

Running up and down the stairs is testing for angle and depth for fatal tripping purposes. Bouncing on the bed to check how much weight would be required to smother them in their sleep.

You ain't got no prepositions, Lieutenant Dan.

I see you, 2010 Twihard moms.

You know, Lindy, as a Seattle-area native, I've always felt a sort of, PNW affinity with you. Today, however, with "irreconcilable leaving-without-a-dope-beat-to-step-to" it has all become so clear: I'm a fat, black, bespectacled lady. You are my photographic negative!

I clicked on the Chris Evans naked brother photos.

We did something similar when I was in school, except we knew it was a drill, and we were told there would be teachers in the hallways to check that doors were locked, etc. That is how you teach kids to not panic in a real emergency: by making the drill as panic-free as possible.

You forgot Beyonce's most outrageous demand: a bathroom with electricity and running water.

That just looks really painful. Gurl, get yo'self some Clarks!

"While you were chasing models" with him chasing a science model made me lol.

I feel like this article could have been written without the "Elizabeth Smart is awesome, in contrast to Jaycee Duggard" angle.

No "chutzpah?" What is this, Hobby Lobby?

I generally feel kind of cute after crying. A little bit of redness makes my eyes look really green, and my eyelashes look all long and dark. Shit, I should cry more often. Take THAT, marketers. Also, I would've said, "Right before my period." I can't believe that's not on there.

I SHUT THE BEDROOM WINDOW BUT NOW THE RACCOONS ARE UNDER THE BED!

I know I've posted this here before, but just in case anyone else needs convincing that the Roots should make ALLLLL the kiddie music. Seriously, I love this so much.