I had a bedbug infestation at my old apartment and let me tell you, it was a fucking traumatizing experience. I do not say that lightly—I legitimately had symptoms of PTSD after dealing with that problem. I couldn’t sleep soundly at night because every seemingly-innocuous itch became a bug crawling on me; I would be…

Fuck-kin.

Man, are women going to be disappointed when they find out how few celebrities are over 6’1” (aka the ultimate Tinder Deal Breaker).

I bite my thumb in your general direction

Tell us more about the fart diet!

Things I would prefer BEFORE I prefer thinner Oreos:

I can save SEVEN whole calories? Outta my way amateurs; I've got an empty shopping cart and a Mission!

My 5th grade crush had a fucking bowl cut. Fortunately I crush on people with good hair now.

I suggested a app called (this name is up for revision) “Tinder for couples to find other couples not for kinky stuff but just cool other couples to hang out with because we need some mutual friends who live in this city”

is it just me, or does that snippet of Thomas’ dissent kind of read like he’s in favor of slavery and internment camps?

Winston Bishop want’s to know when there’s gonna be a Tincat. Ferguson has needs too!

I LOVE Anais Anais. I’ve only recently bought a bottle, and it’s amaaaaaaazing

For some reason I kept reading “Ferrari Guy” as “Guy Fieri.”

The Life Aquatic had Seu Jorge, Waris Ahluwalia (who is FINE AS FUCK and in several Wes Anderson movies), and dozens of other non-white actors.

Gangster is Nantucket Red shorts and a pinstripe oxford.

I really don’t want to take sides without seeing the evidence first, please.

Looked like good ol’ Ann Perkins to me!

Also:

Jem: The John Boehner Years.

This is 100 percent Prince George’s fault. That adorable little asshole.